Tales From The Video Store...

*This post is one dating back from December 1st 2008, but I liked it so decided to add it here*


Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

In New Zealand the movie Twilight wont be out until Boxing Day, so I still have about 3 and a half weeks of this stupidity to endure. I have on average around 3 customers a shift either calling or coming in to ask if they can hire a copy of Twilight, and when they find out that it's not even out in the cinema's yet they want to know when it will be released to DVD and if they can hire it.

We don't get told what's coming out until two months before (if we're lucky), so we have no clue, and even then release dates can change. So at least 3 times a shift I explain this to Twilight's most annoying die hard fans in the nicest way possible *smile smile dies inside smile*, and almost every time I either get told im clearly useless and don't know how to do my job, they want to know how I cannot be obsessively following the DVD release date of ZOMGTHEBESTMOVIEEVERRRR, or once in a New Moon I get cussed out over it.

Im really getting sick of this crap, by the time the movie has actually come out in New Zealand it's all too possible that i will have gone crazy.

Another suck which is coming up more and more is people who want to discuss...... at great length I might add, why they love/ hate the books, at first it was ok because i really like the books so i know enough about them to not sound totally stupid when asked my opinion, but some aspects of the books are a little silly....... Sparkling Vampires for instance. But for a lot of these fangirls (and a couple of emo boys, oddly enough) you cannot I repeat CANNOT say anything bad about the books for fear of death, or worse, them trying for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes to convince you that ZOMGYOUARESOWRONGGG. I think im going to have to put these books on the "things of which we do not speak" list right under politics and religion.

What. The. Fuck.

I had a group of teenage boys come into my store tonight, and none of them were wearing pants, boxers yes, but no pants............................... 4 kids, all, no pants.

I told them they either had to put on pants or leave the store right now, and one of the kids asked me in the most astounded voice "Why do we need pants?" After I told him they tried to argue with me about the point, like I'd cave in and realize that my requirement for them to not be in their undies is silly. Pants..... no pants, just boxers, oh and singlets................ GAH!

Kids:
Im sorry your parents didn't teach you kids manners or how to dress but it's not acceptable to walk into a store in your undies.... EVER! Why I need to explain this to you I have no idea, clearly your parents are all idiots who shouldn't have children in the first place, GTFO

I don't object to the movie at all. The MOVIE is fine, however the people who hire it, are morons! Ok well not all of them, just the ones who insist on singing.................. yepp SINGING! Now I try and be happy and chatty with my customers, I pride myself on good customer service.... but it doesn not mean im your friend, at the end of the day im still a clerk and they are still customers, boundaries people!

Some customers come in and ask "do you guys have the musical, you know the one.... Waterloo... that's where I go when...." STOP SINGING, just because it's an Abba song doesn't mean it's in the movie, and yes we do have the movie Mamma Mia.... it's over there, go away now!

Other customer just love the movie so damn much they break into song, please for the love of all that is good and holy, don't break into song, I know you love the movie, and the songs are classics........ SO STOP BUTCHERING THEM!

This has happened at least 4 times today, I cannot wait for this shift to end, no more singing, for the love of God!

A 23 year old man was found dead in Wellington's Reading Cinema after watching a screening of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. He had attended a 6pm screening of the film, the latest installment in the supernatural Twilight franchise, which revolves around a love triangle between human girl Bella, vampire Edward Cullen and werewolf Jacob Black.

The police have stated that the man's death was not suspicious and he had no obvious injuries. When the cleaners found him after the screening he was slumped in his seat and they merely thought he had fallen asleep during the movie. The mans body was found by staff shortly before 8:30pm.


The full story can be read here: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/man-dies-during-twil...

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

This person doesn't get a name, they are just an idiot. Today this woman came into the store and asked if "Indian James and the Curse of The Crystal Temple" was out yet.............................................................

When I tried to explain that that movie didn't exist, but "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull DID, she told me off, saying that "I didn't know what I was talking about and I should find another job that didn't require me to use my oh so tiny brain".

I love customers.................... they rule.

Quick update, the people who were harassing my customers and chasing off all my perverts yesterday are back. And after being nice and just getting them to leave after much huffing and puffing on their part today I got mad, like Hulk mad, if I had the power of gamma radiation I'd go green! After being so sugary sweet nice to them yesterday they have the nerve to come back! I may be shorter then the average bear but im by no means a pushover.

So I called the cops. They have just been hauled off, thank goodness im only working till 9 tonight, I don't think I could handle much more of the crazy

Ok, so with it being a bright sunny Sunday afternoon, with Labour Day tomorrow people are grabbing overnight DVD's like they are women at a shoe sale, so once again im left with many many small unattended children left in my store while "Mummy pops into the pet store/ cafe/ chicken place with FKC in the title. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *rips out hair*

Then to make matters ever better I had a pair of young not so gentlemen harrassing my customers with "the good word". Ok religion is someone's own personal deal, no one should ever have the right to tell a person what to believe, but these kids were standing like not even a foot away from my customers and asking them way personal questions, one of my favourites being to a young teenage couple "Are you having pre marital fornication, because in *Insert religious icon's name here* eyes you are both going to hell and will burn forever." D= WHAT??!! Don't tell my customers that!!!!!

The only thing these kids did that was worthwhile was scare the creepies out from my porn room. Why do all the crazies come to my store lol

1) It's a rule that you cannot eat or drink in the store, so if I tell a customer they cannot bring their food/ drink/ beer (really wtf!!) into the store i usually get one of three responses.  
A: "oops, sure i'll just finish this outside and then i'll come back in, sorry about that etc etc.

B: What?! Where does it say that? F*$k off Bitch *mumble mumble bitch mumble*. At this point they usually leave mumbling about how im evil devil spawn because I wouldn't let them drip subway juice around my beautiful store I just cleaned.            And the one that really surprised me.......

C: What did you say to me????????!!!! *insert angry face here* F&*K YOU *Slams remainder of food/drink/beer onto floor* Have fun cleaning that up! What really annoys me is when customers are finishing off a drink or food and i don't catch them bringing it into the store, instead of asking me to throw their food/ drink scraps out they just leave it in the store on a shelf for me to find! I'd hate to see how they treat their houses if this is how they treat my store!

2) When groups of children, sometimes as young as 3 years old just rock on into my store and are throwing dvds being loud, messing up my shelves and being soooo annoying as only children can be, for anywhere from 5 mins up to an hour. Then Mum/Dad/Auntie/whoever strolls on in and yells "OI KIDS HURRY UP" and then strolls out with their devilspawn in tow. WTF? Im not a babysitter, this has happened when parents go into the post shop, bank, pet store, any of these things can take anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. Im so tempted to start charging these parents, how much is the rate for babysiters now?

3) Now number 2 directly affects 3, because this has happened twice in the store now, where a couple of kids will be left in our store, and they need to go to the toilet, but there are no parents around to ask, so they just go in the store. Yep I'll repeat that, these kids will just go to the toilet in the store....................... Twice now we've had kids poop in the store, and instead of telling the staff, they just walk away and leave it for us to find! G.R.O.S.S!!!!! Now if a kid pees, it's not such a big deal, all that requires is a mop and hot water with an array of disinfectants, nice smelling soaps and my trusty "CAUTION WET" signs. Poop however, is a different matter alltogether!

I feel much better for that little complaning session.....

I post about some of the more sucky and stupid customers, but I never mention how great it is working at my store, and some of the customers that totally make my day/afternoon/evening.

First of all this is the first place I've worked where I adore all of my co workers. I understand that having to work with people you don't get along with is something everyone has to do, I know I've had my share of co worker sucks with other jobs, but at this *Video Store* it's honestly a pleasure to come into work and shoot the breeze with everyone. I have a boss who's so nice and friendly, a general manager who's a laugh riot and treats everyone like an equal unlike some managers I've had to deal with at other jobs, and all my co workers do their job to the best of their abilities and are just really great friendly people.

The customers, although I get my share of crazies and special snowflakes they are actually for the most part really nice and friendly. I get to talk movies with people all the time, I can recommend flicks or advise people to run far far away from certain movies (Meet the Spartans). You get to know a lot of the regular families and individuals that come in, get to know their tastes in films and help find flicks they might enjoy.

I'll end with a customer awesome instead of a suck. This actually happened at my old *Video Store* store AGES ago lol but it makes me smile to this day. I had a regular customer come in one day, I'll call her L, and through general small talk I mentioned it was my birthday in a couple of days which was a big deal because I was turning 21 and way really excited about it, so L wished my happy birthday and we chatted a bit more about this and that, one of the things we discussed was that I collect cute pens. The next day I had only just started my shift when L came back into the store with a small present wrapped in purple wrapping with an adorable little white bow on the top (I was stunned she remembered my fav colour was purple), inside was the cutest pen shaped like a glossy pink lipstick and wrote in fluro pink.

I still have that pen, I carry it with me everywhere and every time I see it I smile and it helps me get through any particularly tough days.

Dear lying porn dude,
When you discover you have late fees because you brought your porn dvd back at 10:15pm last night as I was heading to my car to go home don't lie and tell my boss you hand delivered it to me in the middle of the afternoon and I didn't return it through the system. Oh yes, you can describe me, because you saw me walking to my damn car, and security cameras don't lie, you never entered our store that day. Just pay your $8 and leave!

To annoying phone woman,
Can you not call me 5 times a night to ask when the new Star Trek movie is coming into our store, using different voices wont make me hate you less, I still know it's you! Yea im excited to see it too, but it isn't even completed yet, so there's no way i could give you a dvd release date, and no im not saying this to keep this uber cool movie ALL to myself, no im not saying this because im a bitch either, or because you're black, im on the T.E.L.E.P.H.O.N.E to you, how do I know what colour you are, you could be purple with yellow spots for all i care I STILL can't give you a release date!

To whom it may concern,
I am not giving you late fees because you're black/white/blue/yellow/pink with orange spots. Im giving them to you because you returned your overnight dvd 3 days late. Oh yeah AND IT'S STORE POLICY! No I wont wave the fee for you, not even if you ask nicely, not even if you offer to take me out, and especially if you yell/scream/point viciously at me, it will just make me ban you from renting movies until you've payed your $24 off. Also, I understand you read some article on the internet about saving money, and that it told you to barter with the cashiers, that should work really well at a car dealership, electronics store, or a flea market. BUT NOT HERE! In places like KMart, The Warehouse and *Video Store* the cashier has no control over what head office charges for Dvd's and rentals. Yes I COULD override that price, it's possible to do so on the computer, but you're a pain in my ass and not worth my job! So do everyone a favor and jump off Auckland Bridge with rocks in your pockets and cement shoes on, jerk.

Also just a couple of things that really annoy me:
1) If I smile at you and say goodmorning/afternoon don't ignore me, give me a dismissive wave, stinkeye me or flip me off, im JUST saying hi, it's my JOB! Trust me I hate it as much as you obviously do
2) When I tell you where a movie is don't walk off in the other direction ignoring what I said totally then bitch when you can't find it
3) If you need help finding said DVD ask nicely, don't yell "Oi, you, come here" or click your fingers at me, OR wave at me to come over, im not a dog, or a servant, I am a clerk and I have years of pent up anger I could take out on you.... don't tempt me!
4) Don't lie. About when you returned a dvd, if you scratched a dvd, if you have fees owing at another store, about anything like that, i'll find out, then i'll charge you for whatever it is you've done, if you just told me you scratched/returned the dvd late i'd of waved the charge and said have a nice day, because i do that with my nicer customers..... but for you, i'll charge full price.
5) Return slots are for dvd's not rubbish/chewing gum/ food scraps/ or to try and pee into.

There are so many more things I could write but i'll leave them for another night