Tales From The Video Store...

Dear lying porn dude,
When you discover you have late fees because you brought your porn dvd back at 10:15pm last night as I was heading to my car to go home don't lie and tell my boss you hand delivered it to me in the middle of the afternoon and I didn't return it through the system. Oh yes, you can describe me, because you saw me walking to my damn car, and security cameras don't lie, you never entered our store that day. Just pay your $8 and leave!

To annoying phone woman,
Can you not call me 5 times a night to ask when the new Star Trek movie is coming into our store, using different voices wont make me hate you less, I still know it's you! Yea im excited to see it too, but it isn't even completed yet, so there's no way i could give you a dvd release date, and no im not saying this to keep this uber cool movie ALL to myself, no im not saying this because im a bitch either, or because you're black, im on the T.E.L.E.P.H.O.N.E to you, how do I know what colour you are, you could be purple with yellow spots for all i care I STILL can't give you a release date!

To whom it may concern,
I am not giving you late fees because you're black/white/blue/yellow/pink with orange spots. Im giving them to you because you returned your overnight dvd 3 days late. Oh yeah AND IT'S STORE POLICY! No I wont wave the fee for you, not even if you ask nicely, not even if you offer to take me out, and especially if you yell/scream/point viciously at me, it will just make me ban you from renting movies until you've payed your $24 off. Also, I understand you read some article on the internet about saving money, and that it told you to barter with the cashiers, that should work really well at a car dealership, electronics store, or a flea market. BUT NOT HERE! In places like KMart, The Warehouse and *Video Store* the cashier has no control over what head office charges for Dvd's and rentals. Yes I COULD override that price, it's possible to do so on the computer, but you're a pain in my ass and not worth my job! So do everyone a favor and jump off Auckland Bridge with rocks in your pockets and cement shoes on, jerk.

Also just a couple of things that really annoy me:
1) If I smile at you and say goodmorning/afternoon don't ignore me, give me a dismissive wave, stinkeye me or flip me off, im JUST saying hi, it's my JOB! Trust me I hate it as much as you obviously do
2) When I tell you where a movie is don't walk off in the other direction ignoring what I said totally then bitch when you can't find it
3) If you need help finding said DVD ask nicely, don't yell "Oi, you, come here" or click your fingers at me, OR wave at me to come over, im not a dog, or a servant, I am a clerk and I have years of pent up anger I could take out on you.... don't tempt me!
4) Don't lie. About when you returned a dvd, if you scratched a dvd, if you have fees owing at another store, about anything like that, i'll find out, then i'll charge you for whatever it is you've done, if you just told me you scratched/returned the dvd late i'd of waved the charge and said have a nice day, because i do that with my nicer customers..... but for you, i'll charge full price.
5) Return slots are for dvd's not rubbish/chewing gum/ food scraps/ or to try and pee into.

There are so many more things I could write but i'll leave them for another night

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Clueless Chick works at the gas station across the road from me and my ever wonderful store, she comes in around once a month and always asks the same stupid damn question. Every. Bloody. Time.

"Uhm like do you have *insert name of movie that has ONLY JUST come into cinemas in NZ* in yet?"

My answer is always, "no im really sorry that movie has only just come out in the cinema and wont be in our store for at least three months, would you like me to make a note in your account so when we do get it you can reserve a copy?"

This is when im hit with her usual babble of how "you totally do have it, I know, my boyfriend hired it from you yesterday, you just don't want me to have the movie because im *insert random comment here, once she even said it was because she was white and I was being racist..... RACIST!*"

It would be one thing if this happened once, maybe twice, but she has managed to do this to me almost once every month or two since I have started working at my video store. It's been well over a year now, and she still can't understand why I keep all the good movies from her......... *head desk*