Tales From The Video Store...

So we race to the Manukau Cinema at a total loss and bickering ever so slightly over what to see (I am YET to see Cowboys & Aliens Damnit!) when myself & my other two amigos decide to see Horrible Bosses which had started about a minute and a half ago, so we rush in, take our seats having missed the first couple minutes of the flick and are totally blown away.......

This film is funny as fuck! The three of us spent the entire film laughing hysterically at the insane amounts of dialogue and prat falls. There are so many jokes in this film that I have to see it again simply because while you're laughing at one joke, two more have flown by that you totally missed. The main cast of Jason Bateman, Charlie Day & Andy Sudeikis are not only sexy as hell (C'mon, any chick in their right mind will admit this) but they have amazing chemistry together with Bateman playing the straight man, Day as the resident screw up buffoon & Sudeikis as the oversexed know it all.

The three bosses played by Jen Aniston, Kevin Spacey & Colin Farrell are fantastically evil & insane. With the car chase/phone call scene being a highlight of the movie for me because nothing says "Cinematic Gold" more then a crazy car chase with Spacey & Aniston masturbating in a bathtub.....

This is yet another great film that has come out in what turned out to be a damn decent year for movies. And everyone has had a boss like any of these at one point or another. I know I have, so on top of the movie being amazingly funny, it was also very cathartic.

First of all.......... FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! This movie rocked my socks off!!

I have been hearing buzz about this flick for weeks now, so I had really high hopes for it, and man did this movie pay off in spades. So the basic plot synopsis goes a little like this:

Will Rodman (James Franco) has been working on a virus called ALZ 112 to try and combat Alzheimer's, a cause close to his heart since his Dad Charles (played superbly by John Lithgow)has an advanced form of this disease. But things go slightly pear shaped and through a series of events Will ends up with a baby chimp who has the ALZ 112 virus.

I wont say anymore of the plot because honestly this movie is so great I don't want to give away any spoilers for the 2 people who actually read this sad excuse of a blog lol. But I WILL say that this movie revolves around 2 people who play off each other beautifully and who have gone out of their way to make this a great movie, James Franco & Andy Serkis who plays Caesar. I think it has become pretty clear to anyone who's ever seen anything Serkis is in that he is without a doubt one of the greatest and under appreciated actors of our lifetime thus far. Considering he has to portray the entire story with only glances, and emotional expressions he outdoes himself on this movie.


By the end of this movie, I was ready to admit that hells yes we human are all a bunch of assholes & when the chimpocalypse arrives I will happily bow down to my new Chimp overlords & do their bidding. This movie is a 5/5 for me. I can't wait to see it again!!

When i first saw the trailer for this film I have to say I was really excited & couldn't wait to see this film. Now I fully admit I am a Gleek (albeit a bit late to the whole Glee trend) so this movie was pretty much made for me & other Glee fans out there. I watched the trailer 3 or 4 times just waiting for the movie. There was just one problem........

Over half the scenes in the trailer, weren't in the film. Asshats.

Now I get that trailers do this a lot & usually one or two scenes are thrown in just to drag in more of the potential audience. But what the trailer promised and what the film actually was were two very different things.

The film should have been called "random B roll of Glee fans screaming and talking", because this made up MOST of the film. Now the three Glee fan stories they showed in the film were very heart warming and touching... all that bullshit. But that's not why I want to see a Glee movie.... I want to see it so I can see the cast of Glee sing their little asses off!

Very little of the concert was actually shown & the use of 3D was so underwhelming that it bordered on stupid. Im guessing all the extra footage that was shown both in the trailers and put online will slowly get trickled out onto the various DVD and Blu Rays of this film, which lets face it, I will buy. Because I want to see the damn concert!!!

So despite being a total Gleek, try and avoid this film.... Honestly it will be more enjoyable (and a HELL of a lot shorter) when you can just fast forward through all the screaming teenage girls trying to mount the stage.... and various cast members. No wonder this is bombing in the U.S......

Right, not that I do this a lot, but I like this site so much I'm throwing up a link anyway.

Dr NerdLove

One of the best advice blogs ever. Check it out if you get a chance!!!

You cannot tell me after watching Captain America that the Team American song should have bee in this film.... especially during the fighting montage. Everyone who will ever see this film thinks this, every review I have listened to on the subject has brought it up at least once. And they are all right.

"Americaaa FUCK YEAH!" Despite the obvious Team America references, this film kicks royal ass!!! As comic book movies go, it puts almost all others to shame (Im sorry Iron Man will always take no1 spot for me) and in doing so makes me not only excited to see a sequel, but to see the upcoming Avengers movie. Xmen Origins: Wolverine wish they could have pulled off an origin story this good.

The film itself is a pretty stunning piece of geek work, with script punch ups written by Joss Whedon, directed by Joe Johnston & starring Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Sam Jackson, Stanley Tucci & Hugo Weaving this film is a nerds wet dream. Throughout the film there are very subtle throwbacks & bits of comic book humor thrown in (Look very closely at the Stark World Fair... Is that a Human Torch suit I see?) which to the average non-geeky watcher are simply window dressings on a great film, but for us comic geeks it's a great little nod & wink from the director for us to enjoy.

The acting itself is great, the cast go out of their way to make sure this is a great film & you'd be an idiot not to see this in 3D, I mean hello seeing Chris Evans shirtless in 3D....

Oops, I mean this picture ;)


Not that it matters what I think or say, you'd have to be a total dummy not to see this movie. And remember to stay until after the credits to see the beyond awesome Avengers teaser!!! That 30second clip along with the movie, I was in geek heaven!

I remember this one unfortunate time that a guy I happened to have a major "omg you're so dreamy i want to have your babies" crush on came into the store & returned a couple of dvds, but instead of just chucking them into the return slot he waited & handed them to me directly. I was so giddy & nervous (this guy was seriously cute, and after making small talk I started scanning them through to return them........

They were reasonably normal.... Until I got to the last two DVDs. A tranny porn, & an "older women" porn DVD..........................

Needless to say I didn't find him all that appealing next time he came in.

In New Zealand the film Country Strong played for exactly 1 night. I was lucky enough to see it.... & damn I am glad I did!!!

The acting was amazing, the story was fresh & original & to be honest reminded me of many singers/ celebrities today. The film itself is a comment on our celebrity crazy culture told in a brutally honest & genuine way. Paltrow plays the mentally unstable & drug dependent lead role of Kelly Canter beautifully while her complicated relationships with both her onscreen husband James (Tim McGraw) & Beau her sometimes sponsor & part time toy boy (Garrett Hedlund) are both portrayed as honest, flawed & almost uncomfortably real at times. Sadly the only person who lets the film down is Leighton Meester who just can't seem to let go of that "Gossip Girl" pout & general catty demeanor.

I highly recommend this to anyone who has either a soft spot for Country music or really good romantic/ dramatic films. And can I just say, everyone in this film, sung beautifully. I can't even begin to describe how good it was. It is a real shame that more people in New Zealand wont see this, but they will all see trash like Johnny English 2, or Zookeepers. It shows how sad our culture has become really....

Anyway! On a seperate note, here is a picture of Garrett Hedlund from the film, & damn wooo boy! He's one fine sexy bitch in this thing.

Lets get a couple of things out of the way.

The is a Disney film.

It is designed to tug at your heart strings & will indeed pull every cheesy punch possible to get you to fall in love with these animals.

Baby animals are adorable.

There isn't anything here that you couldn't see on Animal Planet.

BUT!!!!!

If you are an animal lover, if you have a heart & not a shriveled piece of beef jerky helping to keep you alive, if you like cute adorable fluffy things, if you have kids, if you have eyes..... Oh fuck it. JUST SEE THIS TOTALLY ADORABLE, COMPLETELY SQUEE-WORTHY FILM!!!!!!

This movie was amazingly funny, honest, adorable, smart & about 4 other words I can't think of right now. When I first saw the title I rolled my eyes & waited for yet another overly mushy trailer about beautiful people dealing with "problems". Instead I saw this witty female comedy, & I was shocked. I couldn't wait to check out the film itself.



The beginning of the film opens up on what is one of the most awkward sex scenes with one of the most beautiful men on the face of this earth, Jon Hamm & the film only gets better from there. Chris O'Dowd who is (in my opinion) the sexiest man alive, hands down, is amazingly funny in this as is the rest of the cast, Rose Byrne, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph & a special shout out to Melissa McCarthy who goes above & beyond in this film.

The only downside to this film, apart from one or two cringe worthy scenes is one very long vomit/diarrhoea scene which made me feel rather nauseous myself. And although they did it for laughs & to give the male audience something to look at. But if the movie didn't have it, or they had cut it out.... The film would have been a 5/5 for me. But with THAT scene in it, I can only give it a 4/5, even though I wish I could give it more.... but sadly, it just gave me a bit too much.

Im looking forward to seeing this on DVD as well, im really hoping for a butt-load of extras & deleted scenes.

So the 'Transformers' producer Don Murphy has inked a deal with Cartoon Network to develop a live-action 'Captain Planet' film. This 90's action hero who fought valiantly for the environment will be revamped for a new audience with a renewed focus on environmentalism & saving the planet from us gross trashtastic humans.

As THR explains "For anyone who may be unfamiliar with the show, it centered around five young "Planeteers" - each one more ethnically diverse and sassier than the next - who each control an elemental force: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Heart (because what fun is superpowers if you can't include a hefty social message, too?). When the sh** really hits the fan, however, the Planeteers join forces and summon the super-powered Captain Planet, green mullet and all."

"The messages of Captain Planet are even more relevant today... We feel this team can bring the world’s first eco-hero to life in a powerful motion picture that is not only pertinent but entertaining.” said Stuart Snyder, president of Turner Broadcasting System. Murphy added, “We are extremely excited about bringing the good Captain back to life. His adventures are known worldwide and he is recognized across generations. We expect to make a spectacular series of films with the amazing team at Cartoon Network.”

I have no words to describe this.... This..... Well this molestation of childhood memories..... Hollywood really has run out of ideas at this point....

So I got to see Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon today, I should have known it wasn't going to be great simply by the grammatically annoying title & I not that fussy when it comes to grammar!!

But I have to give this movie it's props, it was a lot better then the second film & the Space/ Cybertron flying scenes were pretty amazing in 3D. However, Shia LaBeouf does spend most of this movie screeching, dribbling & spitting while talking & feeling very sorry for himself despite having a smoking hot sugar mamma looking after him & all his... a'hem.... needs.... Something the Michael Bay took far to much camera time in explaining & displaying considering this movie is meant to be about kick ass robot fights & not slutty underwear shots of a girl who looks like she goes to the same surgeon as Meg Ryan.

The story itself is a lot more though out then the second film, but instead of negro bots we have two little gansta bots taking their place. Women are once again used as sexual props and that's about it & Mc Sleazy oh sorry Mc Dreamy makes an appearance as an evil douche... You say typecasting, I say the role of a lifetime. Especially since he relies on his good looks and pregnant pauses to pad out his "acting skills".

If you're going to see this, either see it in 3D to see the amazing flying scenes or wait for DVD..... Nah just wait for DVD.

This movie just proves further how shitty Xmen 3 was.

There is nothing to say other then WATCH IT!!!! It's amazing!

The movie itself, is a pretty amazing film. Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) had taken a lot of time to draw the audience into the story and feel the frustration, self hatred, self loathing as well as the utter fucking boredom of being trapped in that little rock crevice.

And since the movie is at it's absolute core a one man show, James Franco's (Freaks & Geeks, Pineapple Express) performance helped to suck the audience in and make what could have been a really long boring movie about a guy and his pet rock into a pretty harrowing film. Although there is one questionable scene where Aron is jerking off and gets a little hands on with the boulder trapping his hand.... that kind of threw me for a second. And can I just say, out of all of Franco's work, this movie has really proven that he is an amazing actor, and not just some stoner pretty-boy. The movie gets a solid 5/5 from me.

However, I couldn't help but be annoyed by the film... Not for anything the director or actors did, but just because of the storyline in general. What fucking idiot doesn't leave a note, or tell someone where they are going!!!!! How bloody special-ed do you have to be for this not to cross your mind at some point?!

What Aron Ralston went through is borderline torture, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the end of the day... it's his own bloody fault he was stuck out there for 5 days. If he had told someone where he was going... or left a note, then he would have been rescued after perhaps 48hours, and he would still be able to jerk off with both hands!

Splice.... well what can you say about the movie? Adrien Brody is pretty sexy in it... Actually sex appeal is mostly what this film has going for it.

The film focuses on two uber hip genetic engineers Clive (Adrien Brody) & Elsa (Sarah Polley) who take genetic splicing to the extreme by creating a human/animal hybrid. And of course hilarity and hi-jinks ensue. Well not really, but there are a ton of mutant titties/ mutant sex (and rape... go figure)/ and generally typical horror movie tropes.

Even the blood in the film is nothing to write home about, which is a shame because the director/writers were obviously trying to get across some big moral message about where genetic engineering and humanity's pension for tampering with things they don't really understand. But when they introduced a mutant rape scene into the mix... the message sort of gets lost.

But if you're a fan of Adrien Brody and wanna get a damn good shot of his naked butt then this movie is totally for you. Otherwise.... meh.

As much as I loved working in the video store there were some nights when it was so quiet you could hear people getting into arguments at the pizza show at the other end of the complex.

One such night me and my manager (an adorable woman who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) were at work with nothing to do. I mean LITERALLY not a damn thing, all the mundane little chores like cleaning shelves and wiping down counters, fixing the porn room so it looked presentable.... All that stuff was done. So we were chatting and gossiping as women tend to do when we started comparing phones, this progresses to sharing funny txt jokes and pictures to finally my manager starts showing me these little porn clips she had on her phone (a friend had blue toothed them to her)and after laughing about them for a couple of minutes she decided it would be a great idea to blue tooth them to me lol!

I deleted them the next day but how bored do you have to be at work to start swapping porn with your manager???!!!

Don't let anyone fool you, the life a video store clerk is in no way glamorous, and this story proves it.