Tales From The Video Store...

I remember this one unfortunate time that a guy I happened to have a major "omg you're so dreamy i want to have your babies" crush on came into the store & returned a couple of dvds, but instead of just chucking them into the return slot he waited & handed them to me directly. I was so giddy & nervous (this guy was seriously cute, and after making small talk I started scanning them through to return them........

They were reasonably normal.... Until I got to the last two DVDs. A tranny porn, & an "older women" porn DVD..........................

Needless to say I didn't find him all that appealing next time he came in.

In New Zealand the film Country Strong played for exactly 1 night. I was lucky enough to see it.... & damn I am glad I did!!!

The acting was amazing, the story was fresh & original & to be honest reminded me of many singers/ celebrities today. The film itself is a comment on our celebrity crazy culture told in a brutally honest & genuine way. Paltrow plays the mentally unstable & drug dependent lead role of Kelly Canter beautifully while her complicated relationships with both her onscreen husband James (Tim McGraw) & Beau her sometimes sponsor & part time toy boy (Garrett Hedlund) are both portrayed as honest, flawed & almost uncomfortably real at times. Sadly the only person who lets the film down is Leighton Meester who just can't seem to let go of that "Gossip Girl" pout & general catty demeanor.

I highly recommend this to anyone who has either a soft spot for Country music or really good romantic/ dramatic films. And can I just say, everyone in this film, sung beautifully. I can't even begin to describe how good it was. It is a real shame that more people in New Zealand wont see this, but they will all see trash like Johnny English 2, or Zookeepers. It shows how sad our culture has become really....

Anyway! On a seperate note, here is a picture of Garrett Hedlund from the film, & damn wooo boy! He's one fine sexy bitch in this thing.

Lets get a couple of things out of the way.

The is a Disney film.

It is designed to tug at your heart strings & will indeed pull every cheesy punch possible to get you to fall in love with these animals.

Baby animals are adorable.

There isn't anything here that you couldn't see on Animal Planet.

BUT!!!!!

If you are an animal lover, if you have a heart & not a shriveled piece of beef jerky helping to keep you alive, if you like cute adorable fluffy things, if you have kids, if you have eyes..... Oh fuck it. JUST SEE THIS TOTALLY ADORABLE, COMPLETELY SQUEE-WORTHY FILM!!!!!!

This movie was amazingly funny, honest, adorable, smart & about 4 other words I can't think of right now. When I first saw the title I rolled my eyes & waited for yet another overly mushy trailer about beautiful people dealing with "problems". Instead I saw this witty female comedy, & I was shocked. I couldn't wait to check out the film itself.



The beginning of the film opens up on what is one of the most awkward sex scenes with one of the most beautiful men on the face of this earth, Jon Hamm & the film only gets better from there. Chris O'Dowd who is (in my opinion) the sexiest man alive, hands down, is amazingly funny in this as is the rest of the cast, Rose Byrne, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph & a special shout out to Melissa McCarthy who goes above & beyond in this film.

The only downside to this film, apart from one or two cringe worthy scenes is one very long vomit/diarrhoea scene which made me feel rather nauseous myself. And although they did it for laughs & to give the male audience something to look at. But if the movie didn't have it, or they had cut it out.... The film would have been a 5/5 for me. But with THAT scene in it, I can only give it a 4/5, even though I wish I could give it more.... but sadly, it just gave me a bit too much.

Im looking forward to seeing this on DVD as well, im really hoping for a butt-load of extras & deleted scenes.

So the 'Transformers' producer Don Murphy has inked a deal with Cartoon Network to develop a live-action 'Captain Planet' film. This 90's action hero who fought valiantly for the environment will be revamped for a new audience with a renewed focus on environmentalism & saving the planet from us gross trashtastic humans.

As THR explains "For anyone who may be unfamiliar with the show, it centered around five young "Planeteers" - each one more ethnically diverse and sassier than the next - who each control an elemental force: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Heart (because what fun is superpowers if you can't include a hefty social message, too?). When the sh** really hits the fan, however, the Planeteers join forces and summon the super-powered Captain Planet, green mullet and all."

"The messages of Captain Planet are even more relevant today... We feel this team can bring the world’s first eco-hero to life in a powerful motion picture that is not only pertinent but entertaining.” said Stuart Snyder, president of Turner Broadcasting System. Murphy added, “We are extremely excited about bringing the good Captain back to life. His adventures are known worldwide and he is recognized across generations. We expect to make a spectacular series of films with the amazing team at Cartoon Network.”

I have no words to describe this.... This..... Well this molestation of childhood memories..... Hollywood really has run out of ideas at this point....

So I got to see Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon today, I should have known it wasn't going to be great simply by the grammatically annoying title & I not that fussy when it comes to grammar!!

But I have to give this movie it's props, it was a lot better then the second film & the Space/ Cybertron flying scenes were pretty amazing in 3D. However, Shia LaBeouf does spend most of this movie screeching, dribbling & spitting while talking & feeling very sorry for himself despite having a smoking hot sugar mamma looking after him & all his... a'hem.... needs.... Something the Michael Bay took far to much camera time in explaining & displaying considering this movie is meant to be about kick ass robot fights & not slutty underwear shots of a girl who looks like she goes to the same surgeon as Meg Ryan.

The story itself is a lot more though out then the second film, but instead of negro bots we have two little gansta bots taking their place. Women are once again used as sexual props and that's about it & Mc Sleazy oh sorry Mc Dreamy makes an appearance as an evil douche... You say typecasting, I say the role of a lifetime. Especially since he relies on his good looks and pregnant pauses to pad out his "acting skills".

If you're going to see this, either see it in 3D to see the amazing flying scenes or wait for DVD..... Nah just wait for DVD.

This movie just proves further how shitty Xmen 3 was.

There is nothing to say other then WATCH IT!!!! It's amazing!

The movie itself, is a pretty amazing film. Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) had taken a lot of time to draw the audience into the story and feel the frustration, self hatred, self loathing as well as the utter fucking boredom of being trapped in that little rock crevice.

And since the movie is at it's absolute core a one man show, James Franco's (Freaks & Geeks, Pineapple Express) performance helped to suck the audience in and make what could have been a really long boring movie about a guy and his pet rock into a pretty harrowing film. Although there is one questionable scene where Aron is jerking off and gets a little hands on with the boulder trapping his hand.... that kind of threw me for a second. And can I just say, out of all of Franco's work, this movie has really proven that he is an amazing actor, and not just some stoner pretty-boy. The movie gets a solid 5/5 from me.

However, I couldn't help but be annoyed by the film... Not for anything the director or actors did, but just because of the storyline in general. What fucking idiot doesn't leave a note, or tell someone where they are going!!!!! How bloody special-ed do you have to be for this not to cross your mind at some point?!

What Aron Ralston went through is borderline torture, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the end of the day... it's his own bloody fault he was stuck out there for 5 days. If he had told someone where he was going... or left a note, then he would have been rescued after perhaps 48hours, and he would still be able to jerk off with both hands!

Splice.... well what can you say about the movie? Adrien Brody is pretty sexy in it... Actually sex appeal is mostly what this film has going for it.

The film focuses on two uber hip genetic engineers Clive (Adrien Brody) & Elsa (Sarah Polley) who take genetic splicing to the extreme by creating a human/animal hybrid. And of course hilarity and hi-jinks ensue. Well not really, but there are a ton of mutant titties/ mutant sex (and rape... go figure)/ and generally typical horror movie tropes.

Even the blood in the film is nothing to write home about, which is a shame because the director/writers were obviously trying to get across some big moral message about where genetic engineering and humanity's pension for tampering with things they don't really understand. But when they introduced a mutant rape scene into the mix... the message sort of gets lost.

But if you're a fan of Adrien Brody and wanna get a damn good shot of his naked butt then this movie is totally for you. Otherwise.... meh.

As much as I loved working in the video store there were some nights when it was so quiet you could hear people getting into arguments at the pizza show at the other end of the complex.

One such night me and my manager (an adorable woman who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) were at work with nothing to do. I mean LITERALLY not a damn thing, all the mundane little chores like cleaning shelves and wiping down counters, fixing the porn room so it looked presentable.... All that stuff was done. So we were chatting and gossiping as women tend to do when we started comparing phones, this progresses to sharing funny txt jokes and pictures to finally my manager starts showing me these little porn clips she had on her phone (a friend had blue toothed them to her)and after laughing about them for a couple of minutes she decided it would be a great idea to blue tooth them to me lol!

I deleted them the next day but how bored do you have to be at work to start swapping porn with your manager???!!!

Don't let anyone fool you, the life a video store clerk is in no way glamorous, and this story proves it.