Tales From The Video Store...

So I got to see Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon today, I should have known it wasn't going to be great simply by the grammatically annoying title & I not that fussy when it comes to grammar!!

But I have to give this movie it's props, it was a lot better then the second film & the Space/ Cybertron flying scenes were pretty amazing in 3D. However, Shia LaBeouf does spend most of this movie screeching, dribbling & spitting while talking & feeling very sorry for himself despite having a smoking hot sugar mamma looking after him & all his... a'hem.... needs.... Something the Michael Bay took far to much camera time in explaining & displaying considering this movie is meant to be about kick ass robot fights & not slutty underwear shots of a girl who looks like she goes to the same surgeon as Meg Ryan.

The story itself is a lot more though out then the second film, but instead of negro bots we have two little gansta bots taking their place. Women are once again used as sexual props and that's about it & Mc Sleazy oh sorry Mc Dreamy makes an appearance as an evil douche... You say typecasting, I say the role of a lifetime. Especially since he relies on his good looks and pregnant pauses to pad out his "acting skills".

If you're going to see this, either see it in 3D to see the amazing flying scenes or wait for DVD..... Nah just wait for DVD.

This movie just proves further how shitty Xmen 3 was.

There is nothing to say other then WATCH IT!!!! It's amazing!

The movie itself, is a pretty amazing film. Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) had taken a lot of time to draw the audience into the story and feel the frustration, self hatred, self loathing as well as the utter fucking boredom of being trapped in that little rock crevice.

And since the movie is at it's absolute core a one man show, James Franco's (Freaks & Geeks, Pineapple Express) performance helped to suck the audience in and make what could have been a really long boring movie about a guy and his pet rock into a pretty harrowing film. Although there is one questionable scene where Aron is jerking off and gets a little hands on with the boulder trapping his hand.... that kind of threw me for a second. And can I just say, out of all of Franco's work, this movie has really proven that he is an amazing actor, and not just some stoner pretty-boy. The movie gets a solid 5/5 from me.

However, I couldn't help but be annoyed by the film... Not for anything the director or actors did, but just because of the storyline in general. What fucking idiot doesn't leave a note, or tell someone where they are going!!!!! How bloody special-ed do you have to be for this not to cross your mind at some point?!

What Aron Ralston went through is borderline torture, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the end of the day... it's his own bloody fault he was stuck out there for 5 days. If he had told someone where he was going... or left a note, then he would have been rescued after perhaps 48hours, and he would still be able to jerk off with both hands!

Splice.... well what can you say about the movie? Adrien Brody is pretty sexy in it... Actually sex appeal is mostly what this film has going for it.

The film focuses on two uber hip genetic engineers Clive (Adrien Brody) & Elsa (Sarah Polley) who take genetic splicing to the extreme by creating a human/animal hybrid. And of course hilarity and hi-jinks ensue. Well not really, but there are a ton of mutant titties/ mutant sex (and rape... go figure)/ and generally typical horror movie tropes.

Even the blood in the film is nothing to write home about, which is a shame because the director/writers were obviously trying to get across some big moral message about where genetic engineering and humanity's pension for tampering with things they don't really understand. But when they introduced a mutant rape scene into the mix... the message sort of gets lost.

But if you're a fan of Adrien Brody and wanna get a damn good shot of his naked butt then this movie is totally for you. Otherwise.... meh.

As much as I loved working in the video store there were some nights when it was so quiet you could hear people getting into arguments at the pizza show at the other end of the complex.

One such night me and my manager (an adorable woman who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) were at work with nothing to do. I mean LITERALLY not a damn thing, all the mundane little chores like cleaning shelves and wiping down counters, fixing the porn room so it looked presentable.... All that stuff was done. So we were chatting and gossiping as women tend to do when we started comparing phones, this progresses to sharing funny txt jokes and pictures to finally my manager starts showing me these little porn clips she had on her phone (a friend had blue toothed them to her)and after laughing about them for a couple of minutes she decided it would be a great idea to blue tooth them to me lol!

I deleted them the next day but how bored do you have to be at work to start swapping porn with your manager???!!!

Don't let anyone fool you, the life a video store clerk is in no way glamorous, and this story proves it.

First let me start off by saying WOW!  I can't get over how fantastic an actress Emma Stone is.  I really hope she keeps going on this track and doesn't end up a Lindsey Lohan 2.0, she's not only funny but subtle and genuinely likable & relatable in this film.  It's basically a teen sex comedy..... but with a brain, and that is a pretty refreshing change.

The movie itself has a pretty basic storyline, girl lies about sex, lie spreads and snowballs, hilarity ensues.  But the movie is so much more then that.  A lot of the humor in this is very subtle and doesn't rely on dick and fart jokes or poop gags to get the chuckles from the audience.  And in the film it's not just Emma Stone who's outstanding, Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as Olive's parents are flat out funny.  And it's so nice to see Lisa Kudrow and Thomas Haden Church back in action! 

This movie for me is a full price 5/5 !  I cannot recommend it enough.

One of the most utterly awkward things about working in a video store would have to be meeting customers outside of working hours.  Now don't get me wrong, despite having some of the most amazingly funny and generally wicked customers when I worked at the video store, there are always a couple you simply dread bumping into when you are out and about shopping.

One customer bump-in in particular was a gentleman who had gone on a porn renting bonanza the previous weekend.  Now he had hired a stack of new releases, a goooood $50 worth of all different and slightly odd types of porn (you can never say that my video store wasn't diverse) and had brought them back late the next day, so he got fines for each dvd.  Unlike many customers he paid the fines without a fuss and even made a bit of small talk.  However.....

What the fuck do you say to the guy when you bump into him at the local mall?!?!  Which is exactly what happened to me.  He came up to me while I was shopping and asked me where we knew each other from..... and he was not best pleased when I refreshed his memory of how... exactly... we knew each other.  I managed to stumble my way through an embarrassing conversation with this guy while he sort of mumbled and looked at his shoes turning an ever increasing shade of red............................. 

Not one of my better shopping trips, although I did giggle about it for about 10 minutes after he left.  Poor bugger.

One of the worst things about working in a video store would have to be the late fees.  And im pretty sure anyone who has hired from a video store would agree.

Trying to convince people to part with their cash to pay off their late fees is one thing, and was certainly something I was NEVER fond of doing.  But when people would come in and pay for an $8 movie with a $50 note, and then claim they have no $$$ to pay for their oh so expensive $3 late fee really hacked me off.  Seriously?!  It's one thing to lie to me, whatever that's your business.  But to think im an idiot?  Just because I look like one, doesn't mean I actually am lol. 

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Recap:  I like to call this particular customer Mr Chatty. He's about mid 20's, unemployed, lives alone, doesn't know many people in the area. His Dad lives about 2 hours drive down south from him, and his brother lives about an hours drive north. I found all this out, when he came in to sign up.... And he was in the store for less then 10 minutes.

In fact I know almost everything about this guy's personal life. Every Wednesday, without fail he shows up to pick out his 6 movies for the week. Apart from getting his food shopping once every 2 weeks or checking in with his WINZ case manager every 3 months, (Work and Income New Zealand, where the unemployed scam money off this great country of mine!). Talking to me seems to be one of the few times he gets proper human contact. So every Wednesday I would put on my biggest grin, and ask how Mr Chatty's week had been, and he'd chat away to me for almost a solid hour.

So when I started working at the other video store I stopped seeing Mr Chatty, thank goodness!  However!!!  About 3 months ago, guess who I ran into while I was at the mall doing some birthday shopping for a friend...... yep Mr Chatty *dramatic sigh* .  So what was meant to be a quick shopping expedition to grab a couple of birthday presents and a nice card, turned into a three hour talk marathon from hell!  

Over the course of 3 hours he pretty much told me EXACTLY how his life was going, from the last day he talked, up until that morning............... I have never been so damn bored in my entire LIFE!!  What he's been doing, who he's been sleeping with, what his Dad had been up to, the fact that he moved out of his Dads then moved back in, then moved to his brothers then got kicked out then shifted into a WINZ house but he hates his neighbours...............   AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

I DON'T CARE! Ok, it's bad enough sometimes when you accidentally bump into a customer that you serve at the store, occasionally it's ok, but most of the time you just don't know what to say to them "hey, nice to see you at the supermarket.... so how'd that tranny Asian porn you hired he other night work out for you?"..... NO, just no!  But this is just too damn much!  But in saying that I was very nice (well as nice as I can be anyway), and sat and listened to what Mr Chatty had to say, I smiled and nodded in the correct places, and managed to keep the "holy-crap-get-me-out-of-here" look off my face for most of the conversation I think.....

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Now I have worked in two *Video Stores* both in my little corner of Auckland, and both are the same franchise.  So when I transferred to the store I work in now, I honestly thought I had left Pervy Old Guy, or POG as I like to call him behind........ but alas, the other store closed down due to lack of awesome me being there (or because the business was losing money.... but im pretty sure it was lack of me) and POG started coming to my store again to hire movies.

He came in a couple of weeks ago and well....... it seems he has a new obsession, because he got nothing but Miley Cyrus movies out, we're talking everything from Hannah Montana to her new "grown up" movie 'The Last Song'.  I guess the Olsen Twins can now rest easy knowing he is no longer getting sweaty over their movies since he's moved on.   The guy still gives off this super strong molester vibe, and I wouldn't be surprised if he drove a very nondescript van with a sign on the side saying "Free Candy & Puppies, Inquire Within"