Tales From The Video Store...

Had a pair of teenage girls get into an argument over the last Twilight dvd in our store....... They were bitching over who got to rent it..............

I...... Just....... No.

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.
As I said in a previous blog last year when Twilight came onto DVD I had a lot of insane rabid fangirls drooling all over our store begging to get their hands on a copy of Twilight, and this a full two months before it came onto DVD. Turns out, im having the same problems with New Moon

In New Zealand Twilight: New Moon comes out on the 14th of April, and again since it came into cinemas all those months ago I have had people coming in and requesting a DVD rental copy of New Moon because for some unknown reason customers seem to think if they see an ad for a movie on TV then they MUST be able to rent the movie RIGHT AWAY! Now those customers I can deal with, I've been working at this store for a couple years now so im use to it. But this guy................

We shall call him... yep HIM, Mr Sparkle. Mr Sparkle came into the store and happily asked for a copy of New Moon, I happily informed him that the DVD will be out on the 14th but if he was to check back in three days before the release date he could reserve a copy so he wouldn't miss out when it was released (a problem we had with the first one, not enough copies for all the customers who wanted it) so he huffed and got a bit annoyed that he couldn't get it right away and went off to think about things.

Now at this point I served a few more customers and hired out our last copy of Twilight to someone (it had been hiring really well since the dvd release date of New Moon, because people want to rewatch the first one before they see the second movie). Fast foward to an hour later and Mr Sparkle comes back in more annoyed then when he left and proceeds to spend 10 minutes telling me off for making him wait to see New Moon when he couldn simply download it but had decided "out of the goodness of his heart" to rent a copy from our store anyway. I give him my little speech about how I can't change the release date of a movie, and im very sorry about this (the entire time I have that fake shit eater grin plastered on my face that ANYONE who has ever worked in retail has for when a customer is driving them up the wall) it's after my little speech that he demands a copy of Twilight instead saying that "it will just have to bloody do then wont it!" Only problem.... I just rented our last copy out and nothing is due back until the next morning. So I tell him this and apologise once again............

And he starts getting all upset.......... to the point of tears................ Mr Sparkle, a full grown adult male........... was standing in my store, crying over his lack of sparkly vampire goodness........... At this point I can only think one thing........
God Damn Twilight!!!!!!!

Ok so for the three people who read my blog you'll remember that when Twilight first came out at the movies it was like this rabid frenzy at my video store, every time I worked I had some 12 year old girl begging to hire the movie, before it had even left the cinemas yet!!!

Thankfully twi-mania calmed down a hell of a lot once the damn movie went into our recent release section, I was no longer bombarded with images of a pale sickly Eddie Cullen and sour looking Bella Swan. It was bliss. But oh how im paying for it now!

I worked on Saturday and no less then 8 people came up and asked for the Twilight movie, because "ZOMG I must rewatch before I see NEW MOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Now we have 3 copies, and they were GONE like the week before New Moon came out and have been constantly hired out since, we get one in and it's rented within the hour. Now every single one of the people who asked for the Twilight movie got really snotty when we told them we didn't have it in stock, now snotty's fine, I can deal with bitchy 12 year olds.

But one woman in particular threw a complete fucking hissy fit because she and her daughter wanted to see it NOWWWW! Seriously? I have to deal with this crap all over again! And it's only going to get worse the closer New Moon gets to coming out on DVD. Which by the way i've had 2 people ask if they can pre hire a copy of New Moon..... uhm NO! I don't even know when it's coming out on DVD, but you can waste your cash at the movies and see it there! BYE NOW!

I hate Twi-hards! oh LORD how I loathe and detest them!

I found out last night that "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie" are two of our most rented films of 2008/2009 so far, followed by "Hannah Montana".

Lord, give me strength.

 *Another Twilight post thats been backdated*

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

Before the movie Twilight came out in New Zealand on Boxing day I had some real problems with idiot Twi-hards begging to know if they can rent a copy of the film..... even though it hadn't been released into the cinema in NZ let alone released as a dvd. Well the movie opened and the stream of stupidity dried up. And I was happy.

The stream of stupid has, sadly, reopened. Now I am once again bombarded with squeeing fangirls and guys demanding a dvd copy of Twilight, or failing that being able to preorder a copy. One thing though.............. We have no idea when it will be released as a dvd in New Zealand. We're lucky if we know two months in advance and even then release dates can change on a dime. So I am once again left with the duty of having to interact and speak with these kids (and yes they are usually tweenish kids) trying to explain that im not keeping their precious Eddie "sparkley boy" Cullen from them. We just don't know when he's popping out in dvd form. So sorry twi-hards, you'll just have to use your imaginations until the magic of dvd can transport Eddie "im so misunderstood and sparkley " Cullen into your dirty untidy bedrooms.

Another problem which has sadly popped up again is people who want to discuss why the books are the best thing since sliced bread. These aren't masterpieces!!!! They are pre teen vampire fantasy novels............ about SPARKLING BLOODY VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!

*This post is one dating back from December 1st 2008, but I liked it so decided to add it here*


Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

In New Zealand the movie Twilight wont be out until Boxing Day, so I still have about 3 and a half weeks of this stupidity to endure. I have on average around 3 customers a shift either calling or coming in to ask if they can hire a copy of Twilight, and when they find out that it's not even out in the cinema's yet they want to know when it will be released to DVD and if they can hire it.

We don't get told what's coming out until two months before (if we're lucky), so we have no clue, and even then release dates can change. So at least 3 times a shift I explain this to Twilight's most annoying die hard fans in the nicest way possible *smile smile dies inside smile*, and almost every time I either get told im clearly useless and don't know how to do my job, they want to know how I cannot be obsessively following the DVD release date of ZOMGTHEBESTMOVIEEVERRRR, or once in a New Moon I get cussed out over it.

Im really getting sick of this crap, by the time the movie has actually come out in New Zealand it's all too possible that i will have gone crazy.

Another suck which is coming up more and more is people who want to discuss...... at great length I might add, why they love/ hate the books, at first it was ok because i really like the books so i know enough about them to not sound totally stupid when asked my opinion, but some aspects of the books are a little silly....... Sparkling Vampires for instance. But for a lot of these fangirls (and a couple of emo boys, oddly enough) you cannot I repeat CANNOT say anything bad about the books for fear of death, or worse, them trying for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes to convince you that ZOMGYOUARESOWRONGGG. I think im going to have to put these books on the "things of which we do not speak" list right under politics and religion.

A 23 year old man was found dead in Wellington's Reading Cinema after watching a screening of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. He had attended a 6pm screening of the film, the latest installment in the supernatural Twilight franchise, which revolves around a love triangle between human girl Bella, vampire Edward Cullen and werewolf Jacob Black.

The police have stated that the man's death was not suspicious and he had no obvious injuries. When the cleaners found him after the screening he was slumped in his seat and they merely thought he had fallen asleep during the movie. The mans body was found by staff shortly before 8:30pm.


The full story can be read here: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/man-dies-during-twil...