Tales From The Video Store...

First let me start off by saying WOW!  I can't get over how fantastic an actress Emma Stone is.  I really hope she keeps going on this track and doesn't end up a Lindsey Lohan 2.0, she's not only funny but subtle and genuinely likable & relatable in this film.  It's basically a teen sex comedy..... but with a brain, and that is a pretty refreshing change.

The movie itself has a pretty basic storyline, girl lies about sex, lie spreads and snowballs, hilarity ensues.  But the movie is so much more then that.  A lot of the humor in this is very subtle and doesn't rely on dick and fart jokes or poop gags to get the chuckles from the audience.  And in the film it's not just Emma Stone who's outstanding, Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as Olive's parents are flat out funny.  And it's so nice to see Lisa Kudrow and Thomas Haden Church back in action! 

This movie for me is a full price 5/5 !  I cannot recommend it enough.

One of the most utterly awkward things about working in a video store would have to be meeting customers outside of working hours.  Now don't get me wrong, despite having some of the most amazingly funny and generally wicked customers when I worked at the video store, there are always a couple you simply dread bumping into when you are out and about shopping.

One customer bump-in in particular was a gentleman who had gone on a porn renting bonanza the previous weekend.  Now he had hired a stack of new releases, a goooood $50 worth of all different and slightly odd types of porn (you can never say that my video store wasn't diverse) and had brought them back late the next day, so he got fines for each dvd.  Unlike many customers he paid the fines without a fuss and even made a bit of small talk.  However.....

What the fuck do you say to the guy when you bump into him at the local mall?!?!  Which is exactly what happened to me.  He came up to me while I was shopping and asked me where we knew each other from..... and he was not best pleased when I refreshed his memory of how... exactly... we knew each other.  I managed to stumble my way through an embarrassing conversation with this guy while he sort of mumbled and looked at his shoes turning an ever increasing shade of red............................. 

Not one of my better shopping trips, although I did giggle about it for about 10 minutes after he left.  Poor bugger.

One of the worst things about working in a video store would have to be the late fees.  And im pretty sure anyone who has hired from a video store would agree.

Trying to convince people to part with their cash to pay off their late fees is one thing, and was certainly something I was NEVER fond of doing.  But when people would come in and pay for an $8 movie with a $50 note, and then claim they have no $$$ to pay for their oh so expensive $3 late fee really hacked me off.  Seriously?!  It's one thing to lie to me, whatever that's your business.  But to think im an idiot?  Just because I look like one, doesn't mean I actually am lol. 

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Recap:  I like to call this particular customer Mr Chatty. He's about mid 20's, unemployed, lives alone, doesn't know many people in the area. His Dad lives about 2 hours drive down south from him, and his brother lives about an hours drive north. I found all this out, when he came in to sign up.... And he was in the store for less then 10 minutes.

In fact I know almost everything about this guy's personal life. Every Wednesday, without fail he shows up to pick out his 6 movies for the week. Apart from getting his food shopping once every 2 weeks or checking in with his WINZ case manager every 3 months, (Work and Income New Zealand, where the unemployed scam money off this great country of mine!). Talking to me seems to be one of the few times he gets proper human contact. So every Wednesday I would put on my biggest grin, and ask how Mr Chatty's week had been, and he'd chat away to me for almost a solid hour.

So when I started working at the other video store I stopped seeing Mr Chatty, thank goodness!  However!!!  About 3 months ago, guess who I ran into while I was at the mall doing some birthday shopping for a friend...... yep Mr Chatty *dramatic sigh* .  So what was meant to be a quick shopping expedition to grab a couple of birthday presents and a nice card, turned into a three hour talk marathon from hell!  

Over the course of 3 hours he pretty much told me EXACTLY how his life was going, from the last day he talked, up until that morning............... I have never been so damn bored in my entire LIFE!!  What he's been doing, who he's been sleeping with, what his Dad had been up to, the fact that he moved out of his Dads then moved back in, then moved to his brothers then got kicked out then shifted into a WINZ house but he hates his neighbours...............   AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

I DON'T CARE! Ok, it's bad enough sometimes when you accidentally bump into a customer that you serve at the store, occasionally it's ok, but most of the time you just don't know what to say to them "hey, nice to see you at the supermarket.... so how'd that tranny Asian porn you hired he other night work out for you?"..... NO, just no!  But this is just too damn much!  But in saying that I was very nice (well as nice as I can be anyway), and sat and listened to what Mr Chatty had to say, I smiled and nodded in the correct places, and managed to keep the "holy-crap-get-me-out-of-here" look off my face for most of the conversation I think.....

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Now I have worked in two *Video Stores* both in my little corner of Auckland, and both are the same franchise.  So when I transferred to the store I work in now, I honestly thought I had left Pervy Old Guy, or POG as I like to call him behind........ but alas, the other store closed down due to lack of awesome me being there (or because the business was losing money.... but im pretty sure it was lack of me) and POG started coming to my store again to hire movies.

He came in a couple of weeks ago and well....... it seems he has a new obsession, because he got nothing but Miley Cyrus movies out, we're talking everything from Hannah Montana to her new "grown up" movie 'The Last Song'.  I guess the Olsen Twins can now rest easy knowing he is no longer getting sweaty over their movies since he's moved on.   The guy still gives off this super strong molester vibe, and I wouldn't be surprised if he drove a very nondescript van with a sign on the side saying "Free Candy & Puppies, Inquire Within"

Just wanted to say a big thanks to the creator of I Wish I Invented That who helped me with my blog by doing the layout for it!!

You rock dude!!!

Wednesday night there's an interview with Slater on 60 minutes (tv3 7:30pm) they'll be talking about him campaigning for city council and every time I see the ad for the programme and his dopey almost drunk looking face pops on screen I have this sudden urge to punch my television.  I personally think the man is despicable but I know a lot of people agree with what he's doing and they really like him, each to their own.  Im not going to pick a fight with someone because they like his take on things, I however, find his actions (we're talking about his name suppression campaign here) idiotic.  I think the point he's trying to get across is a valid enough one, that people shouldn't be able to get name suppression just because they are famous or wealthy, but going on a name and shame crusade against people is not the way to go about things.  Clearly the laws surrounding name suppression have to be looked at and changed especially with the internet being such a big part of society these days.  But what Slater is doing to try and remedy the situation just proves how ignorant he is, surely Slater could use his blog and the ability to reach so many people to try and get laws changed without putting people (be it wittingly or unwittingly) in harms way.

Anyway here's a blog I posted for class, I thought it was sort of interesting, hopefully others feel the same. 

How much privacy can the everyday person expect in a world where people use social sites like twitter to tell us what they've had for lunch, how much work they have left to do before the end of the day, if their boss is being mean and nasty or even if their bowel movement was normal. Does anyone really care THAT much about what you're doing that they need an almost hourly update on what mundane things you're doing around the office or at home? But what if the privacy you expected was a little more serious than having you twitter or facebook account locked down so only your closest cyber buddies could see what you're up too..... What if it was the information surrounding a terrible tragedy in your life, what then?

Cameron Slater, a New Zealand online blogger was recently convicted on 9 out of the 10 charges of breaching name suppression orders: each of these convictions came with a $750 fine as well as court costs. Most of the people he chose to 'name and shame' were high profile defendants some of whom had been convicted of sexual assault. But one of the people whose name suppression he chose to breach was the victim of a sexual assault, and he did so knowingly and without remorse. In a statement outside the Auckland courts on the 14th of September Slater said he had "no regrets, and was not remorseful". Well im sure the sexual assault victim he happily outed will be pleased as punch to hear that.

In the court transcript the mentioning of the charge (charge number 2, on page 59 if you want to find it in the transcripts) is as follows "The article also identified the victim of the offending in the following way. "He faces a raft of charges including four charges of raping his wife, unlawful sexual connection with his wife and abduction for sex" the blog this was posted in also had an easily decodable pictogram of the accused. This gave the people reading enough information to figure out who the victim of the crime was.

In class everyone seemed to have a differing idea on what privacy is, and indeed most people do. What is private to some isn't to others, so I can't tell you that yes Slater was right or no he was in the wrong, I can only give you my opinion. In the end it is really up to you to decide if Cameron Slater was rightly or wrongly convicted, or even if a $750 fine is enough of a punishment. I just know that if he had outed someone I love and care about in this way..... I'd want more than a $750 fine to be his punishment.  

Had a pair of teenage girls get into an argument over the last Twilight dvd in our store....... They were bitching over who got to rent it..............

I...... Just....... No.

I wonder how the customers would react if I talked like a pirate for the whole night??

LoL I'm considering it.......

So I saw Salt before I saw Inception today, and despite Inception overshadowing it I still found Salt to be a really good movie.  It's nice to see a female action hero in something that isn't all about Boobies and Bums. 

You can see why they originally made this for Tom Cruise, it's clearly the beginnings of what they hope to be a Mission Impossible type franchise.  And I think with Jolie as the lead, it could be.  Now I know it hasn't made as much money as the studios hoped it would, but this is the kind of movie that will rent SO well when it comes onto DVD.  So really they have nothing to worry about.

It's a solid 3.5/5 for me.  

LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!!!!! 5/5.  It's an amazing film with a stunning cast and I will be seeing this movie at least 2 more times!

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.
As I said in a previous blog last year when Twilight came onto DVD I had a lot of insane rabid fangirls drooling all over our store begging to get their hands on a copy of Twilight, and this a full two months before it came onto DVD. Turns out, im having the same problems with New Moon

In New Zealand Twilight: New Moon comes out on the 14th of April, and again since it came into cinemas all those months ago I have had people coming in and requesting a DVD rental copy of New Moon because for some unknown reason customers seem to think if they see an ad for a movie on TV then they MUST be able to rent the movie RIGHT AWAY! Now those customers I can deal with, I've been working at this store for a couple years now so im use to it. But this guy................

We shall call him... yep HIM, Mr Sparkle. Mr Sparkle came into the store and happily asked for a copy of New Moon, I happily informed him that the DVD will be out on the 14th but if he was to check back in three days before the release date he could reserve a copy so he wouldn't miss out when it was released (a problem we had with the first one, not enough copies for all the customers who wanted it) so he huffed and got a bit annoyed that he couldn't get it right away and went off to think about things.

Now at this point I served a few more customers and hired out our last copy of Twilight to someone (it had been hiring really well since the dvd release date of New Moon, because people want to rewatch the first one before they see the second movie). Fast foward to an hour later and Mr Sparkle comes back in more annoyed then when he left and proceeds to spend 10 minutes telling me off for making him wait to see New Moon when he couldn simply download it but had decided "out of the goodness of his heart" to rent a copy from our store anyway. I give him my little speech about how I can't change the release date of a movie, and im very sorry about this (the entire time I have that fake shit eater grin plastered on my face that ANYONE who has ever worked in retail has for when a customer is driving them up the wall) it's after my little speech that he demands a copy of Twilight instead saying that "it will just have to bloody do then wont it!" Only problem.... I just rented our last copy out and nothing is due back until the next morning. So I tell him this and apologise once again............

And he starts getting all upset.......... to the point of tears................ Mr Sparkle, a full grown adult male........... was standing in my store, crying over his lack of sparkly vampire goodness........... At this point I can only think one thing........
God Damn Twilight!!!!!!!

Ok so for the three people who read my blog you'll remember that when Twilight first came out at the movies it was like this rabid frenzy at my video store, every time I worked I had some 12 year old girl begging to hire the movie, before it had even left the cinemas yet!!!

Thankfully twi-mania calmed down a hell of a lot once the damn movie went into our recent release section, I was no longer bombarded with images of a pale sickly Eddie Cullen and sour looking Bella Swan. It was bliss. But oh how im paying for it now!

I worked on Saturday and no less then 8 people came up and asked for the Twilight movie, because "ZOMG I must rewatch before I see NEW MOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Now we have 3 copies, and they were GONE like the week before New Moon came out and have been constantly hired out since, we get one in and it's rented within the hour. Now every single one of the people who asked for the Twilight movie got really snotty when we told them we didn't have it in stock, now snotty's fine, I can deal with bitchy 12 year olds.

But one woman in particular threw a complete fucking hissy fit because she and her daughter wanted to see it NOWWWW! Seriously? I have to deal with this crap all over again! And it's only going to get worse the closer New Moon gets to coming out on DVD. Which by the way i've had 2 people ask if they can pre hire a copy of New Moon..... uhm NO! I don't even know when it's coming out on DVD, but you can waste your cash at the movies and see it there! BYE NOW!

I hate Twi-hards! oh LORD how I loathe and detest them!

I found out last night that "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie" are two of our most rented films of 2008/2009 so far, followed by "Hannah Montana".

Lord, give me strength.

As if my last blog post wasn't stupid sad enough... This guy.... I have no words for this guy, in fact he is so stupid he doesn't even get a name. Naw fuck that, lets call him dumbarse shall we.

Dumbarse came into the store today and asked if we had any music DVDs, I showed him the limited supply we had left and went back to tidying up the store. Dumbarse picked his DVDs and came to the counter, and then asked the STUPIDIST QUESTION IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. "Will these play on my record player? Or do I need one of those new cd thingies" .........................................................................................................

TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE, USE IT!!!!! It's one thing not to know about dvd's, but to be only learning about cd's!!!! And this guy wasn't old, he looked like he was in his 40's. I then spent 20 mins explaining what cd's and dvd's were and why they were different. How can ANYONE not know about AT LEAST CD's!! I know New Zealand can be a tad backwards when it comes to technology, but not this backwards!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now for a list of minor annoyances that bug me.

1) Don't bitch to me about how you can't pay your $5 late fee when you're getting $30 in overnight movies and you're paying with a $100 bill. Pay the overdue's you cheap bastard!

2) If you don't have correct I.D to sign up, no amount of grandstanding, whining, begging or eyebrow wiggling will get me to sign you up, I don't care how much you want to rent "Missionary Impossible" bring me something with a current home address and maybe we'll talk.

3) You CANNOT hire an R18 game if you are only 15, don't even try, I will slap you down faster then you can say "Grand Theft Auto". Also don't stand right in front of my till and beg for your older sibling to get it for you, I wont hire it to them now either, since it's still against the law because I know it's really for you.... works the same with smokes and booze too, if you don't believe me, go into you're local booze store and try it, see how far you get.

4) WE DO NOT SELL THE FOLLOWING: CONDOMS, SMOKES, LIGHTERS, KY JELLY, MILK, DELI MEATS (wtf really?!), ANY SORT OF BOOZE OR ADULT MAGAZINES. WE ARE A VIDEO STORE... But we don't sell video's either lol we only sell DVD's and junk food, just to confuse you.

5) I wont trade you a pair of earrings for a DVD, no $$ no DVD, and no I wont buy them from you "straight up yo, no lies!"

6) If you return something late don't bitch to me about it, the return times printed on the case, as well as the receipt, and the door of the store. And don't lie and say we were closed, it just makes you look like an ass.

7) STOP ASKING ABOUT FUCKING TWILIGHT Read the BIG ASS SIGN that says it comes out on the 22nd, and NO I won't just GIVE you a poster, you can buy one, but im not your "friend, homie, gurl, biatch, buddy, pal, or dudette", so I won't be giving you one for free. But just to piss you off you should know that I can get one for free if I want *insert childish mocking here*

8) Don't bring food or drink into my store, and don't bitch if I kick you out after I told you to leave your cola on the counter but you still bring it into the store and proceed to drop it on my floor. Fuck you, I have to clean that up.

9) I don't get paid to babysit your snotty brats, try and be a decent human being and keep an eye on your own kids. And if I tell you they might hurt themselves if they climb on the shelves, THEN you ignore me and they fall and DO hurt themselves. Dont bitch to me, I warned you, they are your problem, you keep the slimy thing safe, it's not my damn job.

10) Fuck every arsehole who leaves cum in the porn dvd's on purpose or otherwise. Have some manners and clean up after yourself! I hope you don't work in the food industry you nasty piece of work, because I bet you don't wash your hands after going to the toilet either. You are disgusting

It's been a while since I have had to blog about the stupidity that oozes through the doors of the video store where I work, but this guy......... well I thought he was worth mentioning, for the sake of privacy im going to call him Dave*, now please keep in mind, that when Dave* came in the first time he was, from what i could tell, drunk or had had a decent amount to drink, he smelled strongly of booze and was a little unsteady on his feet, also when he spoke he slurred a word or two.

Dave* came in and asked about becoming a member at *Video Store*, when I explained what he needed to join (photo id, proof of address etc etc) he decided it was too much effort to go back home just to get proof of address and his passport (his drivers license, as it turns out, had expired several months ago). So he decided to buy a couple of DVDs since he was really excited to use his new dvd player he had just bought at the supermarket across the road. It took him about 40 minutes but he eventually picked out 5 DVDs that he felt would be a great start to his collection. So I took the cases, popped the DVDs in put everything through the system, printed out all the necessary receipts and then handed him his brand spanking new movies. I then explained our return policy, all customers who buy a DVD with us have 14 days from the date of purchase to return the DVD for a replacement or refund, or if they are an ex rental to be resurfaced at no charge. We wont exchange anything if you "already have it", "don't like the movie", "decided you wanted something different" or have caused damage to it yourself, so bringing back a dvd all scratched up and expecting us to replace it, wont fly, and no matter what you MUST bring back the receipt, otherwise you're screwed. So he smiled, thanked me, and left.

20 minutes later he came back in with a puzzled expression on his face and asked "how do I get the disk out of the case?" Now I understand this is the first time he's had to deal with DVDs... but it's pretty fucking simple, you pop the button in the middle of the case and then gently remove the dvd, all our cases are like this. I explained this, and demonstrated it to him twice, he again smiled thanked me and left.

He then came back two more times within an hour to ask the SAME QUESTION. Both times I showed him, demonstrated it several more times, and even had him do it a couple of times. That was the last I saw of him for that night.

3 days later he came back, and tried to return the DVDs, it seems he had forgotten what I had taken SO LONG to teach him, and decided that the best thing to do was just to RIP the dvd from the case, snapping it in half in the process. When this didn't work he tried it again on all the other DVDs, getting the same result. So he decided that since the disks were now faulty he could exchange them for new ones, and "oh could you show me how to get them out of the case again". NO NO NO NO NO It took all my strength not to laugh him right out of the store, I explained that he did the damage and it's not our problem, I explained how to get the disks out of the case more then once and no one will be exchanging these for him. He grumbled and argued for a while then suddenly left. Over the course of the evening I get calls from 5 other *Video Stores* in the area, he tried to exchange the disks there and every time he failed he'd just move onto the next one.

No one gave him a refund or exchange. The moral of the story is, If You Are A Moron Then Owning A DVD Is NOT For You. I hate to imagine what he's done to his dvd player

 *Another Twilight post thats been backdated*

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

Before the movie Twilight came out in New Zealand on Boxing day I had some real problems with idiot Twi-hards begging to know if they can rent a copy of the film..... even though it hadn't been released into the cinema in NZ let alone released as a dvd. Well the movie opened and the stream of stupidity dried up. And I was happy.

The stream of stupid has, sadly, reopened. Now I am once again bombarded with squeeing fangirls and guys demanding a dvd copy of Twilight, or failing that being able to preorder a copy. One thing though.............. We have no idea when it will be released as a dvd in New Zealand. We're lucky if we know two months in advance and even then release dates can change on a dime. So I am once again left with the duty of having to interact and speak with these kids (and yes they are usually tweenish kids) trying to explain that im not keeping their precious Eddie "sparkley boy" Cullen from them. We just don't know when he's popping out in dvd form. So sorry twi-hards, you'll just have to use your imaginations until the magic of dvd can transport Eddie "im so misunderstood and sparkley " Cullen into your dirty untidy bedrooms.

Another problem which has sadly popped up again is people who want to discuss why the books are the best thing since sliced bread. These aren't masterpieces!!!! They are pre teen vampire fantasy novels............ about SPARKLING BLOODY VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have seen some strange things in my time as a video store clerk, but this.... oh this was just wrong with a hint of ROFLMAO.

There's a customer who comes into the store maybe, once a month and he's always nice and smiley, he seems to just be a happy person. He usually gets out New Releases and Porn which is cool with me, I don't judge. But he's never been ashamed about what he hires, he's always chatty and honestly it's nice when he comes in because I know that he's a good customer. It also helps that I think he's hot, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway he brings up his dvd, a porn movie, and we start chatting away while I enter his account info, just asking how each others day was. Then he asks if I've finished at High School yet, which makes me laugh because im 21 and at University. I tell him this and we both giggle about it, and I get his movie ready. At this point he stops talking, just stares at me and asks what im doing later tonight, "because he'd love to act this movie out with me, (and this part he slows down the talking and stretches out the words) scene...... by........ scene".

What do I do................................................................... I laugh. I laugh until I have tears in my eyes. And to the customer's credit he doesn't get insulted he just laughs along with me, then once I'd stop laughing he says "well, I guessed that wouldn't work, but admit it, you think im adorable for trying right."

Yes. Yes I do think he's adorable for trying lol. We laugh some more and I give him the dvd, and he says goodnight and leaves.

............... I love this job sometimes, it brings the lolz.

*Warning, im super mean in this one, but after so much stress at work.... well I needed to vent*

Dear Customer,

You asked where Transformers was, in the rudest tone possible I might add. Please do not walk away while I am trying to explain to you where the dvd is located, only to come back in 5 minutes and complain that "you couldn't find it" and "you told me the wrong place to look". Actually good customer I didn't tell you anything, because you walked away while I was trying to speak to you in my happy smiley polite tone of voice that masks the fact that I wish to choke the life out of you. "Why?" you ask, would someone as semi normal and friendly as me want to strangle you and dance on your corpse?

Because you did this to me no less then 6 times in the span of two hours. And when i asked if you wanted me to show you where the dvd's were you waved me away like a servant girl, which last time I looked was not part of my job description. You also had the nerve to start muttering and bitching to your friend about how stupid I was and didn't know the store from my arse or elbow, even though i went out of my way to help you, well let me assure you good customer I have never tried to poop from my elbow, so im pretty sure I AT LEAST know where my arse is. Oh, you didn't realize I was behind you? Wow sir, you sure look worried, but fear not, I wont yell at you, im simply going to pretend I didn't hear you, smile and walk away.....

Edit: Also to the young man on Saturday afternoon who threw a tantrum and started swearing and calling me and my co worker names, JUST because we wouldn't take all your silver coins and give you a $20 back, Fuck you. This isn't a bank, in fact, the damn banks which are 2 shops down from us are STILL OPEN! Go get you $20 from them. You aren't a customer so we don't have to do shit for you, and we wont since when I told you in my nice smiley customer friendly voice that "im sorry we don't give or switch change" you walked off swearing, yelling, calling us both names and being the sad piece of gutter trash you were so clearly raised to be. Go die in a fire!

It is this sort of customer that can make working in customer service really hard. It took all my effort to still smile and be nice to the customers who walked in that night, and on Saturday afternoon. I don't mind cleaning up bodily fluids, or renting out porn to dirty old men or even cleaning up poop, but I hate it when people bad mouth my customer service skills just because they are too stupid to listen. I also hate it when people think just because i wont bend over backwards and lick their nuts it gives them the right to swear, yell and act like they were raised by retarded, crack baby, inbred, asshole hillbillies.

*This post is one dating back from December 1st 2008, but I liked it so decided to add it here*


Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

In New Zealand the movie Twilight wont be out until Boxing Day, so I still have about 3 and a half weeks of this stupidity to endure. I have on average around 3 customers a shift either calling or coming in to ask if they can hire a copy of Twilight, and when they find out that it's not even out in the cinema's yet they want to know when it will be released to DVD and if they can hire it.

We don't get told what's coming out until two months before (if we're lucky), so we have no clue, and even then release dates can change. So at least 3 times a shift I explain this to Twilight's most annoying die hard fans in the nicest way possible *smile smile dies inside smile*, and almost every time I either get told im clearly useless and don't know how to do my job, they want to know how I cannot be obsessively following the DVD release date of ZOMGTHEBESTMOVIEEVERRRR, or once in a New Moon I get cussed out over it.

Im really getting sick of this crap, by the time the movie has actually come out in New Zealand it's all too possible that i will have gone crazy.

Another suck which is coming up more and more is people who want to discuss...... at great length I might add, why they love/ hate the books, at first it was ok because i really like the books so i know enough about them to not sound totally stupid when asked my opinion, but some aspects of the books are a little silly....... Sparkling Vampires for instance. But for a lot of these fangirls (and a couple of emo boys, oddly enough) you cannot I repeat CANNOT say anything bad about the books for fear of death, or worse, them trying for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes to convince you that ZOMGYOUARESOWRONGGG. I think im going to have to put these books on the "things of which we do not speak" list right under politics and religion.

What. The. Fuck.

I had a group of teenage boys come into my store tonight, and none of them were wearing pants, boxers yes, but no pants............................... 4 kids, all, no pants.

I told them they either had to put on pants or leave the store right now, and one of the kids asked me in the most astounded voice "Why do we need pants?" After I told him they tried to argue with me about the point, like I'd cave in and realize that my requirement for them to not be in their undies is silly. Pants..... no pants, just boxers, oh and singlets................ GAH!

Kids:
Im sorry your parents didn't teach you kids manners or how to dress but it's not acceptable to walk into a store in your undies.... EVER! Why I need to explain this to you I have no idea, clearly your parents are all idiots who shouldn't have children in the first place, GTFO

I don't object to the movie at all. The MOVIE is fine, however the people who hire it, are morons! Ok well not all of them, just the ones who insist on singing.................. yepp SINGING! Now I try and be happy and chatty with my customers, I pride myself on good customer service.... but it doesn not mean im your friend, at the end of the day im still a clerk and they are still customers, boundaries people!

Some customers come in and ask "do you guys have the musical, you know the one.... Waterloo... that's where I go when...." STOP SINGING, just because it's an Abba song doesn't mean it's in the movie, and yes we do have the movie Mamma Mia.... it's over there, go away now!

Other customer just love the movie so damn much they break into song, please for the love of all that is good and holy, don't break into song, I know you love the movie, and the songs are classics........ SO STOP BUTCHERING THEM!

This has happened at least 4 times today, I cannot wait for this shift to end, no more singing, for the love of God!

A 23 year old man was found dead in Wellington's Reading Cinema after watching a screening of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. He had attended a 6pm screening of the film, the latest installment in the supernatural Twilight franchise, which revolves around a love triangle between human girl Bella, vampire Edward Cullen and werewolf Jacob Black.

The police have stated that the man's death was not suspicious and he had no obvious injuries. When the cleaners found him after the screening he was slumped in his seat and they merely thought he had fallen asleep during the movie. The mans body was found by staff shortly before 8:30pm.


The full story can be read here: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/man-dies-during-twil...

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

This person doesn't get a name, they are just an idiot. Today this woman came into the store and asked if "Indian James and the Curse of The Crystal Temple" was out yet.............................................................

When I tried to explain that that movie didn't exist, but "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull DID, she told me off, saying that "I didn't know what I was talking about and I should find another job that didn't require me to use my oh so tiny brain".

I love customers.................... they rule.

Quick update, the people who were harassing my customers and chasing off all my perverts yesterday are back. And after being nice and just getting them to leave after much huffing and puffing on their part today I got mad, like Hulk mad, if I had the power of gamma radiation I'd go green! After being so sugary sweet nice to them yesterday they have the nerve to come back! I may be shorter then the average bear but im by no means a pushover.

So I called the cops. They have just been hauled off, thank goodness im only working till 9 tonight, I don't think I could handle much more of the crazy

Ok, so with it being a bright sunny Sunday afternoon, with Labour Day tomorrow people are grabbing overnight DVD's like they are women at a shoe sale, so once again im left with many many small unattended children left in my store while "Mummy pops into the pet store/ cafe/ chicken place with FKC in the title. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *rips out hair*

Then to make matters ever better I had a pair of young not so gentlemen harrassing my customers with "the good word". Ok religion is someone's own personal deal, no one should ever have the right to tell a person what to believe, but these kids were standing like not even a foot away from my customers and asking them way personal questions, one of my favourites being to a young teenage couple "Are you having pre marital fornication, because in *Insert religious icon's name here* eyes you are both going to hell and will burn forever." D= WHAT??!! Don't tell my customers that!!!!!

The only thing these kids did that was worthwhile was scare the creepies out from my porn room. Why do all the crazies come to my store lol

1) It's a rule that you cannot eat or drink in the store, so if I tell a customer they cannot bring their food/ drink/ beer (really wtf!!) into the store i usually get one of three responses.  
A: "oops, sure i'll just finish this outside and then i'll come back in, sorry about that etc etc.

B: What?! Where does it say that? F*$k off Bitch *mumble mumble bitch mumble*. At this point they usually leave mumbling about how im evil devil spawn because I wouldn't let them drip subway juice around my beautiful store I just cleaned.            And the one that really surprised me.......

C: What did you say to me????????!!!! *insert angry face here* F&*K YOU *Slams remainder of food/drink/beer onto floor* Have fun cleaning that up! What really annoys me is when customers are finishing off a drink or food and i don't catch them bringing it into the store, instead of asking me to throw their food/ drink scraps out they just leave it in the store on a shelf for me to find! I'd hate to see how they treat their houses if this is how they treat my store!

2) When groups of children, sometimes as young as 3 years old just rock on into my store and are throwing dvds being loud, messing up my shelves and being soooo annoying as only children can be, for anywhere from 5 mins up to an hour. Then Mum/Dad/Auntie/whoever strolls on in and yells "OI KIDS HURRY UP" and then strolls out with their devilspawn in tow. WTF? Im not a babysitter, this has happened when parents go into the post shop, bank, pet store, any of these things can take anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. Im so tempted to start charging these parents, how much is the rate for babysiters now?

3) Now number 2 directly affects 3, because this has happened twice in the store now, where a couple of kids will be left in our store, and they need to go to the toilet, but there are no parents around to ask, so they just go in the store. Yep I'll repeat that, these kids will just go to the toilet in the store....................... Twice now we've had kids poop in the store, and instead of telling the staff, they just walk away and leave it for us to find! G.R.O.S.S!!!!! Now if a kid pees, it's not such a big deal, all that requires is a mop and hot water with an array of disinfectants, nice smelling soaps and my trusty "CAUTION WET" signs. Poop however, is a different matter alltogether!

I feel much better for that little complaning session.....

I post about some of the more sucky and stupid customers, but I never mention how great it is working at my store, and some of the customers that totally make my day/afternoon/evening.

First of all this is the first place I've worked where I adore all of my co workers. I understand that having to work with people you don't get along with is something everyone has to do, I know I've had my share of co worker sucks with other jobs, but at this *Video Store* it's honestly a pleasure to come into work and shoot the breeze with everyone. I have a boss who's so nice and friendly, a general manager who's a laugh riot and treats everyone like an equal unlike some managers I've had to deal with at other jobs, and all my co workers do their job to the best of their abilities and are just really great friendly people.

The customers, although I get my share of crazies and special snowflakes they are actually for the most part really nice and friendly. I get to talk movies with people all the time, I can recommend flicks or advise people to run far far away from certain movies (Meet the Spartans). You get to know a lot of the regular families and individuals that come in, get to know their tastes in films and help find flicks they might enjoy.

I'll end with a customer awesome instead of a suck. This actually happened at my old *Video Store* store AGES ago lol but it makes me smile to this day. I had a regular customer come in one day, I'll call her L, and through general small talk I mentioned it was my birthday in a couple of days which was a big deal because I was turning 21 and way really excited about it, so L wished my happy birthday and we chatted a bit more about this and that, one of the things we discussed was that I collect cute pens. The next day I had only just started my shift when L came back into the store with a small present wrapped in purple wrapping with an adorable little white bow on the top (I was stunned she remembered my fav colour was purple), inside was the cutest pen shaped like a glossy pink lipstick and wrote in fluro pink.

I still have that pen, I carry it with me everywhere and every time I see it I smile and it helps me get through any particularly tough days.

Dear lying porn dude,
When you discover you have late fees because you brought your porn dvd back at 10:15pm last night as I was heading to my car to go home don't lie and tell my boss you hand delivered it to me in the middle of the afternoon and I didn't return it through the system. Oh yes, you can describe me, because you saw me walking to my damn car, and security cameras don't lie, you never entered our store that day. Just pay your $8 and leave!

To annoying phone woman,
Can you not call me 5 times a night to ask when the new Star Trek movie is coming into our store, using different voices wont make me hate you less, I still know it's you! Yea im excited to see it too, but it isn't even completed yet, so there's no way i could give you a dvd release date, and no im not saying this to keep this uber cool movie ALL to myself, no im not saying this because im a bitch either, or because you're black, im on the T.E.L.E.P.H.O.N.E to you, how do I know what colour you are, you could be purple with yellow spots for all i care I STILL can't give you a release date!

To whom it may concern,
I am not giving you late fees because you're black/white/blue/yellow/pink with orange spots. Im giving them to you because you returned your overnight dvd 3 days late. Oh yeah AND IT'S STORE POLICY! No I wont wave the fee for you, not even if you ask nicely, not even if you offer to take me out, and especially if you yell/scream/point viciously at me, it will just make me ban you from renting movies until you've payed your $24 off. Also, I understand you read some article on the internet about saving money, and that it told you to barter with the cashiers, that should work really well at a car dealership, electronics store, or a flea market. BUT NOT HERE! In places like KMart, The Warehouse and *Video Store* the cashier has no control over what head office charges for Dvd's and rentals. Yes I COULD override that price, it's possible to do so on the computer, but you're a pain in my ass and not worth my job! So do everyone a favor and jump off Auckland Bridge with rocks in your pockets and cement shoes on, jerk.

Also just a couple of things that really annoy me:
1) If I smile at you and say goodmorning/afternoon don't ignore me, give me a dismissive wave, stinkeye me or flip me off, im JUST saying hi, it's my JOB! Trust me I hate it as much as you obviously do
2) When I tell you where a movie is don't walk off in the other direction ignoring what I said totally then bitch when you can't find it
3) If you need help finding said DVD ask nicely, don't yell "Oi, you, come here" or click your fingers at me, OR wave at me to come over, im not a dog, or a servant, I am a clerk and I have years of pent up anger I could take out on you.... don't tempt me!
4) Don't lie. About when you returned a dvd, if you scratched a dvd, if you have fees owing at another store, about anything like that, i'll find out, then i'll charge you for whatever it is you've done, if you just told me you scratched/returned the dvd late i'd of waved the charge and said have a nice day, because i do that with my nicer customers..... but for you, i'll charge full price.
5) Return slots are for dvd's not rubbish/chewing gum/ food scraps/ or to try and pee into.

There are so many more things I could write but i'll leave them for another night

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Clueless Chick works at the gas station across the road from me and my ever wonderful store, she comes in around once a month and always asks the same stupid damn question. Every. Bloody. Time.

"Uhm like do you have *insert name of movie that has ONLY JUST come into cinemas in NZ* in yet?"

My answer is always, "no im really sorry that movie has only just come out in the cinema and wont be in our store for at least three months, would you like me to make a note in your account so when we do get it you can reserve a copy?"

This is when im hit with her usual babble of how "you totally do have it, I know, my boyfriend hired it from you yesterday, you just don't want me to have the movie because im *insert random comment here, once she even said it was because she was white and I was being racist..... RACIST!*"

It would be one thing if this happened once, maybe twice, but she has managed to do this to me almost once every month or two since I have started working at my video store. It's been well over a year now, and she still can't understand why I keep all the good movies from her......... *head desk*

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

I like to call this particular customer Mr Chatty. He's about mid 20's, unemployed, lives alone, doesn't know many people in the area. His Dad lives about 2 hours drive down south from him, and his brother lives about an hours drive north. I found all this out, when he came in to sign up.... And he was in the store for less then 10 minutes.

In fact I know almost everything about this guy's personal life. Every Wednesday, without fail he shows up to pick out his 6 movies for the week. Apart from getting his food shopping once every 2 weeks or checking in with his WINZ case manager every 3 months, (Work and Income New Zealand, where the unemployed scam money off this great country of mine!). Talking to me seems to be one of the few times he gets proper human contact. So every Wednesday I would put on my biggest grin, and ask how Mr Chatty's week had been, and he'd chat away to me for almost a solid hour.

During these chats I found out he's ALWAYS lived in this area, he could make friends just fine, but eventually they'd change their numbers or just move away. At this point I felt awful for him. This poor bugger had clearly had the worst luck, no job, no real money, no friends. On the bright side he always took my movie suggestions and almost always liked the movies I picked for him.

Now one week I had the flu. It was bad. There was snot and sneezing and flem, the works! So I missed work that week. And missed my weekly meeting with Mr Chatty. By the next week I was feeling much better and waited for his arrival on Wednesday. When he finally came in I smiled and asked how Mr Chatty's week had been.......... And then he started yelling at me. He went on for almost a full 20 minutes about how I was a lazy slut and if I didn't want to talk to him or want him as a customer I should have just said so, and how dare my fat ass not show up to work! Now I get yelled at a lot, I work in a shitty video store in a bad neighborhood. And im cool with that, I can deal with assholes who come in and bitch about their late fees..... But this...... I was SICK and still clearly WAS SICK!!!!! So as Mr Chatty ranted and raved about how I was so pathetic for not telling him face to face that I "didn't want to be his friend" I picked up the phone and quietly started dialing the police, when he realized what I was doing he ran off, I still called the cops and an officer came down to get Mr Chatty's info for future reference

Turns out Mr Chatty had been banned by most stores and malls in the greater West Auckland area, as he had a tendency to become overly attached and emotional with staff members. I understand now why he had such a problem making friends! It's been about 3 months since I last saw Mr Chatty, but I made sure to let all the video stores in my area know what he looks like and the kind of person he is...... "special" to say the least.

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

Pervy Old Guy, or POG as I like to call him, has a certain type of movie he ONLY EVER rents. Tween girly movies.  Now I know for a fact he lives alone, doesn't have a wife, and has no children or grand-kids, and since he is an only child he doesn't have any nephews or nieces to hire these movies for. I know all this because he's old and likes to chit chat when he rocks into the store. Which normally I wouldn't mind, but he honestly gives me the creeps!

This week he has rented:
High School Musical 1
High School Musical 2
So Little Time Volume 1 (Featuring the Olsen Twins)
Sleepover

All of these movies have underage girls doing god knows what. Maybe he actually likes this kind of film not because of the girls, but because it's what he's into.... but he just gives off this molester vibe.... *shudder* So glad he only comes in fortnightly!

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories

This sicko.. well screw it his name can be sicko! This guy LOVES to rent porn. And first off, I don't have a problem with people renting porn, lets just get that fact in there, but this damn guy, he's disgusting! So on a Monday night we have half price New Release night, and Sicko will come in and hire 4 New Release porn movies. Usually it's Teen-something, anyway he hires these movies and walks the maybe 5 minute walk back to his house.

Now that's not the gross part, the gross part is 40 minutes later Sicko cums comes back!!! I mean you can time him by a stop watch, 40 minutes later and he's back, looking sweaty, smelling like... "special sauce" and sex, wearing the same clothes, CLEARLY hasn't showered, and since the cases are ALWAYS STICKY he doesn't even seem to wash his hands!

He returns the movies, and proceeds to hire out 4 weekly Porn movies, usually Asian-something this time. And he pays for them and leaves. Now he will hold onto those movies for the whole week, and THOSE movies always come back clean. It's the New Releases I take issue with. and if the guy didn't spend so much damn money at our store I'd ban his ass.

But ban him I do not. I just continue mopping up his "special sauce" off the damn New Releases, and praying he wont be back next Monday....

The video store I work in seems to have some of the most clueless members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories.

This particular sad-sack, let's call him Steve. Steve... well he only rents sequels. He NEVER watches the first movie in a series, only the sequels. The gems he chose to rent today were:

Ripley's Game (sequel to The Talented Mr Ripley)
Skulls 2 (rich white boys who can't act take two)
Scream 2 (Neve Campbell.... enough said)
Butterfly Effect 2 (without Ashton... so might actually be better??)
and last but not least..... Basic Instinct 2 (ONE OF THE BIGGEST WASTES OF MONEY AND FILM TO DATE!!!!!!!)

I asked him why he only ever watched the sequels to movies and never the first movie itself......... and he looked me in the eye, and dead serious he said "I find sequels to be better films, they are made better then the originals so I just don't bother with them."

Just....................................... wow.

It would be one thing if he was hiring some of the few TRULY great sequels like Godfather 2, Aliens, Terminator 2, or Kill Bill 2..... which to be fair was just the second half of the Kill Bill movie really, so im not sure it counts.... but that's getting off topic.

It just stuns me on a daily basis how beyond moronic some of these people who rent movies are, and the fact that they have NO TASTE! Geeze....