Tales From The Video Store...

Had a pair of teenage girls get into an argument over the last Twilight dvd in our store....... They were bitching over who got to rent it..............

I...... Just....... No.

I wonder how the customers would react if I talked like a pirate for the whole night??

LoL I'm considering it.......

So I saw Salt before I saw Inception today, and despite Inception overshadowing it I still found Salt to be a really good movie.  It's nice to see a female action hero in something that isn't all about Boobies and Bums. 

You can see why they originally made this for Tom Cruise, it's clearly the beginnings of what they hope to be a Mission Impossible type franchise.  And I think with Jolie as the lead, it could be.  Now I know it hasn't made as much money as the studios hoped it would, but this is the kind of movie that will rent SO well when it comes onto DVD.  So really they have nothing to worry about.

It's a solid 3.5/5 for me.  

LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!!!!! 5/5.  It's an amazing film with a stunning cast and I will be seeing this movie at least 2 more times!

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.
As I said in a previous blog last year when Twilight came onto DVD I had a lot of insane rabid fangirls drooling all over our store begging to get their hands on a copy of Twilight, and this a full two months before it came onto DVD. Turns out, im having the same problems with New Moon

In New Zealand Twilight: New Moon comes out on the 14th of April, and again since it came into cinemas all those months ago I have had people coming in and requesting a DVD rental copy of New Moon because for some unknown reason customers seem to think if they see an ad for a movie on TV then they MUST be able to rent the movie RIGHT AWAY! Now those customers I can deal with, I've been working at this store for a couple years now so im use to it. But this guy................

We shall call him... yep HIM, Mr Sparkle. Mr Sparkle came into the store and happily asked for a copy of New Moon, I happily informed him that the DVD will be out on the 14th but if he was to check back in three days before the release date he could reserve a copy so he wouldn't miss out when it was released (a problem we had with the first one, not enough copies for all the customers who wanted it) so he huffed and got a bit annoyed that he couldn't get it right away and went off to think about things.

Now at this point I served a few more customers and hired out our last copy of Twilight to someone (it had been hiring really well since the dvd release date of New Moon, because people want to rewatch the first one before they see the second movie). Fast foward to an hour later and Mr Sparkle comes back in more annoyed then when he left and proceeds to spend 10 minutes telling me off for making him wait to see New Moon when he couldn simply download it but had decided "out of the goodness of his heart" to rent a copy from our store anyway. I give him my little speech about how I can't change the release date of a movie, and im very sorry about this (the entire time I have that fake shit eater grin plastered on my face that ANYONE who has ever worked in retail has for when a customer is driving them up the wall) it's after my little speech that he demands a copy of Twilight instead saying that "it will just have to bloody do then wont it!" Only problem.... I just rented our last copy out and nothing is due back until the next morning. So I tell him this and apologise once again............

And he starts getting all upset.......... to the point of tears................ Mr Sparkle, a full grown adult male........... was standing in my store, crying over his lack of sparkly vampire goodness........... At this point I can only think one thing........
God Damn Twilight!!!!!!!

Ok so for the three people who read my blog you'll remember that when Twilight first came out at the movies it was like this rabid frenzy at my video store, every time I worked I had some 12 year old girl begging to hire the movie, before it had even left the cinemas yet!!!

Thankfully twi-mania calmed down a hell of a lot once the damn movie went into our recent release section, I was no longer bombarded with images of a pale sickly Eddie Cullen and sour looking Bella Swan. It was bliss. But oh how im paying for it now!

I worked on Saturday and no less then 8 people came up and asked for the Twilight movie, because "ZOMG I must rewatch before I see NEW MOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Now we have 3 copies, and they were GONE like the week before New Moon came out and have been constantly hired out since, we get one in and it's rented within the hour. Now every single one of the people who asked for the Twilight movie got really snotty when we told them we didn't have it in stock, now snotty's fine, I can deal with bitchy 12 year olds.

But one woman in particular threw a complete fucking hissy fit because she and her daughter wanted to see it NOWWWW! Seriously? I have to deal with this crap all over again! And it's only going to get worse the closer New Moon gets to coming out on DVD. Which by the way i've had 2 people ask if they can pre hire a copy of New Moon..... uhm NO! I don't even know when it's coming out on DVD, but you can waste your cash at the movies and see it there! BYE NOW!

I hate Twi-hards! oh LORD how I loathe and detest them!

I found out last night that "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie" are two of our most rented films of 2008/2009 so far, followed by "Hannah Montana".

Lord, give me strength.

As if my last blog post wasn't stupid sad enough... This guy.... I have no words for this guy, in fact he is so stupid he doesn't even get a name. Naw fuck that, lets call him dumbarse shall we.

Dumbarse came into the store today and asked if we had any music DVDs, I showed him the limited supply we had left and went back to tidying up the store. Dumbarse picked his DVDs and came to the counter, and then asked the STUPIDIST QUESTION IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. "Will these play on my record player? Or do I need one of those new cd thingies" .........................................................................................................

TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE, USE IT!!!!! It's one thing not to know about dvd's, but to be only learning about cd's!!!! And this guy wasn't old, he looked like he was in his 40's. I then spent 20 mins explaining what cd's and dvd's were and why they were different. How can ANYONE not know about AT LEAST CD's!! I know New Zealand can be a tad backwards when it comes to technology, but not this backwards!

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Now for a list of minor annoyances that bug me.

1) Don't bitch to me about how you can't pay your $5 late fee when you're getting $30 in overnight movies and you're paying with a $100 bill. Pay the overdue's you cheap bastard!

2) If you don't have correct I.D to sign up, no amount of grandstanding, whining, begging or eyebrow wiggling will get me to sign you up, I don't care how much you want to rent "Missionary Impossible" bring me something with a current home address and maybe we'll talk.

3) You CANNOT hire an R18 game if you are only 15, don't even try, I will slap you down faster then you can say "Grand Theft Auto". Also don't stand right in front of my till and beg for your older sibling to get it for you, I wont hire it to them now either, since it's still against the law because I know it's really for you.... works the same with smokes and booze too, if you don't believe me, go into you're local booze store and try it, see how far you get.

4) WE DO NOT SELL THE FOLLOWING: CONDOMS, SMOKES, LIGHTERS, KY JELLY, MILK, DELI MEATS (wtf really?!), ANY SORT OF BOOZE OR ADULT MAGAZINES. WE ARE A VIDEO STORE... But we don't sell video's either lol we only sell DVD's and junk food, just to confuse you.

5) I wont trade you a pair of earrings for a DVD, no $$ no DVD, and no I wont buy them from you "straight up yo, no lies!"

6) If you return something late don't bitch to me about it, the return times printed on the case, as well as the receipt, and the door of the store. And don't lie and say we were closed, it just makes you look like an ass.

7) STOP ASKING ABOUT FUCKING TWILIGHT Read the BIG ASS SIGN that says it comes out on the 22nd, and NO I won't just GIVE you a poster, you can buy one, but im not your "friend, homie, gurl, biatch, buddy, pal, or dudette", so I won't be giving you one for free. But just to piss you off you should know that I can get one for free if I want *insert childish mocking here*

8) Don't bring food or drink into my store, and don't bitch if I kick you out after I told you to leave your cola on the counter but you still bring it into the store and proceed to drop it on my floor. Fuck you, I have to clean that up.

9) I don't get paid to babysit your snotty brats, try and be a decent human being and keep an eye on your own kids. And if I tell you they might hurt themselves if they climb on the shelves, THEN you ignore me and they fall and DO hurt themselves. Dont bitch to me, I warned you, they are your problem, you keep the slimy thing safe, it's not my damn job.

10) Fuck every arsehole who leaves cum in the porn dvd's on purpose or otherwise. Have some manners and clean up after yourself! I hope you don't work in the food industry you nasty piece of work, because I bet you don't wash your hands after going to the toilet either. You are disgusting

It's been a while since I have had to blog about the stupidity that oozes through the doors of the video store where I work, but this guy......... well I thought he was worth mentioning, for the sake of privacy im going to call him Dave*, now please keep in mind, that when Dave* came in the first time he was, from what i could tell, drunk or had had a decent amount to drink, he smelled strongly of booze and was a little unsteady on his feet, also when he spoke he slurred a word or two.

Dave* came in and asked about becoming a member at *Video Store*, when I explained what he needed to join (photo id, proof of address etc etc) he decided it was too much effort to go back home just to get proof of address and his passport (his drivers license, as it turns out, had expired several months ago). So he decided to buy a couple of DVDs since he was really excited to use his new dvd player he had just bought at the supermarket across the road. It took him about 40 minutes but he eventually picked out 5 DVDs that he felt would be a great start to his collection. So I took the cases, popped the DVDs in put everything through the system, printed out all the necessary receipts and then handed him his brand spanking new movies. I then explained our return policy, all customers who buy a DVD with us have 14 days from the date of purchase to return the DVD for a replacement or refund, or if they are an ex rental to be resurfaced at no charge. We wont exchange anything if you "already have it", "don't like the movie", "decided you wanted something different" or have caused damage to it yourself, so bringing back a dvd all scratched up and expecting us to replace it, wont fly, and no matter what you MUST bring back the receipt, otherwise you're screwed. So he smiled, thanked me, and left.

20 minutes later he came back in with a puzzled expression on his face and asked "how do I get the disk out of the case?" Now I understand this is the first time he's had to deal with DVDs... but it's pretty fucking simple, you pop the button in the middle of the case and then gently remove the dvd, all our cases are like this. I explained this, and demonstrated it to him twice, he again smiled thanked me and left.

He then came back two more times within an hour to ask the SAME QUESTION. Both times I showed him, demonstrated it several more times, and even had him do it a couple of times. That was the last I saw of him for that night.

3 days later he came back, and tried to return the DVDs, it seems he had forgotten what I had taken SO LONG to teach him, and decided that the best thing to do was just to RIP the dvd from the case, snapping it in half in the process. When this didn't work he tried it again on all the other DVDs, getting the same result. So he decided that since the disks were now faulty he could exchange them for new ones, and "oh could you show me how to get them out of the case again". NO NO NO NO NO It took all my strength not to laugh him right out of the store, I explained that he did the damage and it's not our problem, I explained how to get the disks out of the case more then once and no one will be exchanging these for him. He grumbled and argued for a while then suddenly left. Over the course of the evening I get calls from 5 other *Video Stores* in the area, he tried to exchange the disks there and every time he failed he'd just move onto the next one.

No one gave him a refund or exchange. The moral of the story is, If You Are A Moron Then Owning A DVD Is NOT For You. I hate to imagine what he's done to his dvd player

 *Another Twilight post thats been backdated*

Twilight has forever changed the face of literature, after its violent beating and rape of the English language, it left the corpse to rot in a sticky puddle of its own blood and bitter tears. All subtlety is lost as it rips out the organs of plot, characterization, and basic grammar, leaving behind a hollow shell of a vapid romance that is both void of true emotions and common sense. Where Anne Rice left off with the mere neutering of Vampires as monsters, Meyers has gone and done a full gender reassignment.

Before the movie Twilight came out in New Zealand on Boxing day I had some real problems with idiot Twi-hards begging to know if they can rent a copy of the film..... even though it hadn't been released into the cinema in NZ let alone released as a dvd. Well the movie opened and the stream of stupidity dried up. And I was happy.

The stream of stupid has, sadly, reopened. Now I am once again bombarded with squeeing fangirls and guys demanding a dvd copy of Twilight, or failing that being able to preorder a copy. One thing though.............. We have no idea when it will be released as a dvd in New Zealand. We're lucky if we know two months in advance and even then release dates can change on a dime. So I am once again left with the duty of having to interact and speak with these kids (and yes they are usually tweenish kids) trying to explain that im not keeping their precious Eddie "sparkley boy" Cullen from them. We just don't know when he's popping out in dvd form. So sorry twi-hards, you'll just have to use your imaginations until the magic of dvd can transport Eddie "im so misunderstood and sparkley " Cullen into your dirty untidy bedrooms.

Another problem which has sadly popped up again is people who want to discuss why the books are the best thing since sliced bread. These aren't masterpieces!!!! They are pre teen vampire fantasy novels............ about SPARKLING BLOODY VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!